He can't help the little shudder of pure relief. How good that feels, how right, how much it simply feels good and warm and familiar and safe. He can listen to the soap opera and listen to Steve's heart and breathing and simply be.
The guilt is something that threatens to come crushing in. The loneliness is likely to quickly follow suit. He can feel them at the edges, clawing at the doors.
Just breathe. Sink deep into feeling just the sensations and only that. Cling to this like a liferaft. Part of him does want to switch their positions at some point, distantly, so he can have the excuse to hold someone in turn in a way that's also familiar, but right now this is something that a part of him clearly needed desperately.
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The guilt is something that threatens to come crushing in. The loneliness is likely to quickly follow suit. He can feel them at the edges, clawing at the doors.
Just breathe. Sink deep into feeling just the sensations and only that. Cling to this like a liferaft. Part of him does want to switch their positions at some point, distantly, so he can have the excuse to hold someone in turn in a way that's also familiar, but right now this is something that a part of him clearly needed desperately.