The things he says would be easier out there. In the waking world, as it were. His drive to hurt, Loki's willingness to take it (the desire to have it). Those are borne within themselves. Loki might goad him into it deliberately, but it's Clint's own hurt and rage and grief that drives it.
It's confusing when it should be that simple. They're bound to one another, and here, here it should be so damn easy. Rip out his throat. Fuck him on the ground and slit him open. Let him go only to hunt him again. Play this game again and again and again. It might be fun. Clint never says the right thing, and Loki talks too much for someone ragingly hard and pinned with violence. They both hate Loki. Loki's hated Loki for a lot longer. He imagines a long, long line of people Loki has brought to harm, and they've had that conversation, and he isn't sure if he doesn't understand or if he doesn't want to understand.
Is it important where it comes from? Is there something inside of Clint that's prone to the worst of all possible impulses, that revels in Loki's brand of chaos? Does he lash out not just because of hate, the deep sting of betrayal, but also the confusion, a weapon wielded by two masters for differing goals?
At some point instead of ripping and tearing with teeth at a willing and deserving throat, he has simply pinned Loki to the wall with a firm hand. Hard to breathe. But not to choking.
Hard for himself to breathe through this fog of lust violence need harm confusion desire blood blood blood. When he reaches for the blade, dislodges it from Loki's hand, raises it high. Slams it home through Loki's other hand. Pierces his own side with it. Pins Loki to him.
He laughs into the pain. They are bound. If he concentrates, he thinks he can imagine the feeling of Loki's blood seeping into him, mingling with his. It doesn't matter if it's one or the other. It comes from them both. "You think I'm worthy of anything?" He's still laughing. Worth isn't even a slippery slope down. It's a sharp, precipitous cliff with sharp rocks at the bottom. "You think you're worth causing harm to? Fucked, it leaves us both fucked."
no subject
The things he says would be easier out there. In the waking world, as it were. His drive to hurt, Loki's willingness to take it (the desire to have it). Those are borne within themselves. Loki might goad him into it deliberately, but it's Clint's own hurt and rage and grief that drives it.
It's confusing when it should be that simple. They're bound to one another, and here, here it should be so damn easy. Rip out his throat. Fuck him on the ground and slit him open. Let him go only to hunt him again. Play this game again and again and again. It might be fun. Clint never says the right thing, and Loki talks too much for someone ragingly hard and pinned with violence. They both hate Loki. Loki's hated Loki for a lot longer. He imagines a long, long line of people Loki has brought to harm, and they've had that conversation, and he isn't sure if he doesn't understand or if he doesn't want to understand.
Is it important where it comes from? Is there something inside of Clint that's prone to the worst of all possible impulses, that revels in Loki's brand of chaos? Does he lash out not just because of hate, the deep sting of betrayal, but also the confusion, a weapon wielded by two masters for differing goals?
At some point instead of ripping and tearing with teeth at a willing and deserving throat, he has simply pinned Loki to the wall with a firm hand. Hard to breathe. But not to choking.
Hard for himself to breathe through this fog of lust violence need harm confusion desire blood blood blood. When he reaches for the blade, dislodges it from Loki's hand, raises it high. Slams it home through Loki's other hand. Pierces his own side with it. Pins Loki to him.
He laughs into the pain. They are bound. If he concentrates, he thinks he can imagine the feeling of Loki's blood seeping into him, mingling with his. It doesn't matter if it's one or the other. It comes from them both. "You think I'm worthy of anything?" He's still laughing. Worth isn't even a slippery slope down. It's a sharp, precipitous cliff with sharp rocks at the bottom. "You think you're worth causing harm to? Fucked, it leaves us both fucked."