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"Either? Whichever comes to mind? In general, I guess?" It's just how the are, heart and logic. Clint just says things, runs on impulse and feeling, and Phil needs clarification and specificity.

Phil considers for a moment but when he speaks it's from the heart. "I'd like us to get a place together. Not at Stark's tower, I'm not talking about that but somewhere quiet."

He takes a deep breath. "Since we joked about vacation I've been thinking about how nice it would be to have a safe house somewhere isolated that you and I could go to when we want to get away from this life for awhile. I don't know why, probably too much HG TV but I like the idea of a farmhouse."

To be fair, Clint asked for this. Here he was, stupidly thinking it'd be anything between the range of 'gee gosh idk I've always wanted to try pony play' to 'slow dancing, please' or...anything like that.

"Why do we keep having these kinda conversations while eating?" he muses, running a hand over his face. "I know I said in general. I just...had no idea that kind of thing was on your mind. Do you want to retire to an actual farm or something?"

"You ask these questions while we're eating," he feels compelled to point out but he's not offended by Clint's surprise. The answer must be unexpected since they've only just started stretching the boundaries of their relationship.

"A real farm is work, but a hobby farm maybe. I won't seriously consider retirement for a while." Phil's not ready for that yet though it did look tempting after... after Loki.

"It's an idea, that's all."

"You know I grew up in the middle of farm country, right?" Which is not a dismissal. He does sometimes miss miles of relatively open field and gently rolling hills, when the city is far too crowded and bright and noisy.

"I guess...it'd be quiet, cozy. Little fixer upper of a place? Some white picket fencing?" A tree out in the yard for target practice-- He clears his throat. "Some little barn you can fancy up into some kind of mancave shed?" It sounds like Phil's thinking about it more as a secret getaway, which is much closer to the present, than for eventual old man retirement that they're both aware they may never actually get to see.

"And then 2.5 kids and a dog?"

"I know you did." And he knows from their years of working together that sometimes Clint wants those wide open spaces again. Phil is a city boy and doesn't mind it the way Clint can sometimes.

"I don't know about kids," he says with a small shake of his head. "I've never really thought about them before. And yes, some sort of hobby for me to do somewhere in the barn. Maybe restoring classic cars? I'll get bored otherwise."

Maybe he wants this more than he realized when he first thought of it. It sounds... nice.

"I'll need something for me, too, or I'll drive myself up the wall and see how quickly even I can wear on your very last nerve, and no one wants to see that." They have a good track record. Very few blow ups. Though even thinking about that makes Clint's hands itch to knock wood. Feels like they're due a dust up.

"If you're gonna get bored, why get a place in the middle of nowhere anyway?"

"I think you'd be happier." And there's a lot Phil would do to make sure Clint's happy. "I think I'd retire first. You'd be in the city alone a lot of the time. It would be an escape for you. Until you're ready to retire yourself."

They might be due a fight. They're certainly going to hit a few rough spots as they adjust to being public about their relationship.

That's for the future. Right now they can talk about this and focus on it.

"Is this a cozy safehouse, or is this planning for when we're old and grey and not dead?" Which is way too far ahead for Clint. "You don't want that just for me. Obviously the idea makes some part of you happy."

"I'm not entirely sure anymore," he admits with a chuckle at himself. "It started as a safe house and now I'm thinking of other things. Let's revisit the idea another time."

Phil can tell he's gone a step too far. He's pushing Clint too far too fast. He knows better than to push like this.

"I think I'm just a romantic old man."

"I'm not opposed to safehouses, just...that's..." A lot more than 'hey do you want to become more official and also bring up dating and love'.

"Think I just need to keep my mouth shut."

"No, I always like hearing what you're thinking and feeling." He reaches across the table and squeezes Clint's wrist. "Let's come back to this another time, okay?"

He just got Clint back. He doesn't want to put distance between them again just to give Clint more time to think. Again. Phil would like this night together if that's still possible after he opened his mouth like a fool.

He's pretty damn sure there are thoughts and feelings he needs to keep to himself. Like the impulse to say let's come back to this never. Maybe don't say that. God, don't make a fight start over something so...innocent? Romantic?

"What about something you want that's a little more attainable?"

"Let's go to bed," he says simply. Whatever that means to Clint. They can sleep or fool around. It will depend on what Clint feels up to after the conversation. "I'll even leave the dishes for tomorrow."

He really is romantic and imagining a whole future that ends quietly and peacefully together. It's a crazy dream given their lives and their jobs. Phil will hold it close though.

Phil's trying to mitigate the damage. It's very practical of him after such an impractical suggestion. A pipe dream. A nice fantasy. Maybe he shouldn't shit on this nice ideal being built up, but, god, is that what Phil thinks about? Planning out their lives together? Dinner might end up being fraught for the fact that Clint's going to half expect a proposal.

"Or leave dishes for me." Whatever. Tomorrow. "Yeah. Okay. We can go to bed." It's sure as hell attainable, even if it's not the kind of answer he was looking for.

Sometimes, even Phil can have ridiculous pipe dreams about happy endings with retirement and the man he loves. Who probably loves him back. Phil gets the feeling that's what scares Clint most.

He helps clear the table before taking Clint by the hand trying to reassure him just a little bit. It's fine. They're fine. Phil's always looked more towards the future than Clint. He'll be waiting there when Clint catches up.

"I'm going to steal this flannel if you're not careful."

Are they fine? Because he was pretty sure they were even more than fine until Phil started planning their retirement together, and now it feels like everything's thrown out of whack again. There's no fear of leaving, of course. If he ran every time Phil said something emotionally vulnerable and frightening, they wouldn't even be together. It's just...startling.

"I'll just buy another. Until you steal that one, too. And one day, you're gonna look at your closet and wonder how it became half flannel."

Half of his closet being flannel doesn't sound too bad, actually. It would be more evidence of Clint settling into their joint life together.

"You're going to make me late one morning and I'll walk into a briefing in a suit and flannel." Right now, he goes through the usual routine he has for going to bed at Clint's place. He doesn't expect anything sexual at all given how gun shy Clint seems right now.

He is content with simply being together again.

"Now I want to make you late soon as possible, just for fun. Think Fury'll have the good humor enough to let it slide?"

Could be sexy stuff was on the table, and now it's questionable. Which kind of sucks. But that's nobody's fault! "I don't think flannel goes with, but at least you'll be nothing but cozy."

"Have you ever seen Fury in good humor?" Phil asks with an eyebrow raised as he sat down on the edge of the bed.

He holds out a hand to Clint to encourage him to come close and stand in the space between his legs so he can look up at him with an affectionate smile. "I'm sorry I scared you tonight. I didn't mean to but I got caught up, I guess, in the fantasy of it."

Well, with an invitation like that, how can he refuse? He takes Phil's hand, cradles his face with the other. This is a man smitten. There was no lie when love came out of his mouth.

And yeah. That's frightening. Because Clint doesn't know what to do with it, how to respond to it in a genuine manner. "It's a nice fantasy. Maybe even too nice."

"The chances of us actually making it to retirement are slim." He leans into Clint's touch with a soft sigh. "We don't really lead the sort of lives that end in retirement."

And Phil had already died once. If it happened again he wouldn't be coming back a second time. He's been very clear on his feelings about experimental procedures to bring him back.

"We should probably start simple with a vacation, huh?"

"I think working up to a cozy, quiet vacation first is the better option, yeah." A quiet chuckle. Did the heart and the logic switch places for a second there? "But...'s a nice dream. Good to have dreams. The fact that I'm involved in those dreams is pretty intimidating. I think you put me on a pedestal sometimes. And when I disappoint you, it's gonna be a pretty devastating fall from on high."

"You are human," Phil says looking over Clint. "You are going to disappoint me. I'm going to disappoint you. We're going to make mistakes and hopefully we'll fix them because if I've put you on a pedestal it's about how happy I am with you."

There is that. He can admit that yes, maybe there's some worship and adoration going on here but he will never forget that Clint is human and mistakes will be made on both parts.

"You are way too good for me. You might come to realize that someday, but until then? Gonna appreciate that you're a deluded fool who's mine." He idly strokes Phil's cheek, leaning down to kiss him tenderly.

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/just casually messes with canon nbd

hey welcome to this au: messin' with canon

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