( when clint wraps his arms around her, she presses closer. the position is awkward, so she stops leaning down towards him; instead, she straightens, stays close, and keeps her arms at his back, rubbing gentle circles there. it's strange to see the strong men in her life break down, and though clint had always been more emotive in his discontent of things unlike the guarded steve and logical vision, she had never seen him falter to this extent. stuttered breaths and wet words, holding on like it's what he so desperately needs.
wanda knows loss. she is so intrinsically tied to death, since she was ten, that the concept of a 'happy family' or a 'home' to return to feels like a fairy tale. but even if clint hadn't faced the mortality of his loved ones until recently, it doesn't make it any less painful, any less powerful.
she manages to keep herself steeled. only a few tears spill down her cheeks, as clint's pain becomes louder and louder, so much so that wanda has no intention of shutting down. it'll take a few days for it to sink in, given that since she hasn't experienced it, it doesn't feel real to her. )
Don't.
( clint had said something similar to her, i'm sorry, when she had found pietro's body in SHIELD's custody. it wasn't kept a secret from her, at the time, that pietro had died saving clint and costel. wanda never considered it his fault, even if in her darkest hours she wanted to find someone to blame (herself, by the way). she cannot imagine that any of this is clint's fault.
she continues to rub circles on his back, and, after a sniffle, says, )
Is this why you're so often at the Dome?
( getting your ass kicked? tossing out your pent-up rage and pain? wanda doesn't feel ready to ask how it all happened, why it happened. she doesn't think it would be fair to force clint to relive it. )
[If she doesn't want his apologies, he'll try to refrain from giving them. Natasha was a sister to her; hell, at the end of the day, she was around for Wanda more than Clint had been after his (first) retirement. There's a thought--
Jesus, there's a thought that in a place as crazy as this, what if Natasha were to come rolling into town?
But he tucks that hope/fear back. He's at the Dome for a reason, for reasons, none of them good. He doesn't need the extra money, even if that's never a bad thing. He has a violence in him that needs quenched. Not an addiction, but still some kind of need or desire to do more than just shoot from a distance. It helps the bubble of anger-grief from boiling out of control. And it helps him focus. Narrows everything down to just him and his opponent. Keeps him sharp, keeps him on his toes. Makes everything else fall away for a while.
And the pain. Pain's good for focus, too. In a way he's not sure he could explain, even if he wanted to. And why shouldn't he get hit from time to time? He can take it. He deserves it.
Wanda isn't going to judge him. Still, he feels he should warn her, explain just a little:] Been in a bad place for a couple years. 's not easy to just extract yourself from that. Or to even want to.
( it's only when there's a more grounded semblance of balance on their emotions that wanda draws back, one hand left on clint's shoulder, as she moves to sit down—chair a little closer to him now. she studies his face momentarily, wondering if she'll be able to catch on to what goes unsaid.
sometimes is hardly an answer, but it seems like all he can get himself to say about it.
letting go, her hand down onto her lap, wanda leans back on her chair.
listens— )
You make the future sound really awful.
( —shakes her head, looking down at her hands. )
Clint — I don't want you to feel like you have to be perfectly fine for my sake. None of us are. You're allowed to be this.
( this version of himself, whatever it's supposed to be. whatever it's supposed to hide, protect, keep close so that he doesn't crumble. )
[Her assessment of the future is rewarded with a tired cough of laughter, a barely-there wry pull of his mouth. Yeah, that's cuz the future sucks, but he doesn't say that. Doesn't say that yet, anyway. It's hard to know if that's even okay. She's happy here. What happens if she doesn't go back? What happens if she can't? What happens if she won't? She's happy here. She doesn't need all of that on her shoulders.
Maybe he doesn't need all this on his, either. He just doesn't know how to let it go.]
You were always welcome at home, on the farm. You know that, right? [After the original team became brand new uncles to the kids, that expanded to the new team, too. All good people who might sometimes need a little time living a slightly more rustic life chopping wood and running the tractor and feeding the chickens.] You're always welcome here, too. Or wherever I am. Even if I'm being a surly bastard about it.
apologies for the delay :') but maybe a good spot to wrap!
Yes, ( is her answer to him reminding her (reassuring her?) that she had a place in his world, with his family, and all she would need to have done was say the word. ) I'm only a little sad I never visited before ending up here.
( she had been bound, at the time, with things that seemed more important. a new asset and all to SHIELD, things were mostly complicated, logistically, she's sure. for now, it's good to know that he can say these things, seem open to her intruding in his space more often.
that she's welcome to it.
wanda hopes that he knows that he's welcome to her space, too, to get involved however he wants, to be part of it, even while being a surly bastard about it. )
How about you finish your dinner first, and then we can talk about potential weekend plans? You'll have to make time for me.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
wanda knows loss. she is so intrinsically tied to death, since she was ten, that the concept of a 'happy family' or a 'home' to return to feels like a fairy tale. but even if clint hadn't faced the mortality of his loved ones until recently, it doesn't make it any less painful, any less powerful.
she manages to keep herself steeled. only a few tears spill down her cheeks, as clint's pain becomes louder and louder, so much so that wanda has no intention of shutting down. it'll take a few days for it to sink in, given that since she hasn't experienced it, it doesn't feel real to her. )
Don't.
( clint had said something similar to her, i'm sorry, when she had found pietro's body in SHIELD's custody. it wasn't kept a secret from her, at the time, that pietro had died saving clint and costel. wanda never considered it his fault, even if in her darkest hours she wanted to find someone to blame (herself, by the way). she cannot imagine that any of this is clint's fault.
she continues to rub circles on his back, and, after a sniffle, says, )
Is this why you're so often at the Dome?
( getting your ass kicked? tossing out your pent-up rage and pain? wanda doesn't feel ready to ask how it all happened, why it happened. she doesn't think it would be fair to force clint to relive it. )
no subject
[If she doesn't want his apologies, he'll try to refrain from giving them. Natasha was a sister to her; hell, at the end of the day, she was around for Wanda more than Clint had been after his (first) retirement. There's a thought--
Jesus, there's a thought that in a place as crazy as this, what if Natasha were to come rolling into town?
But he tucks that hope/fear back. He's at the Dome for a reason, for reasons, none of them good. He doesn't need the extra money, even if that's never a bad thing. He has a violence in him that needs quenched. Not an addiction, but still some kind of need or desire to do more than just shoot from a distance. It helps the bubble of anger-grief from boiling out of control. And it helps him focus. Narrows everything down to just him and his opponent. Keeps him sharp, keeps him on his toes. Makes everything else fall away for a while.
And the pain. Pain's good for focus, too. In a way he's not sure he could explain, even if he wanted to. And why shouldn't he get hit from time to time? He can take it. He deserves it.
Wanda isn't going to judge him. Still, he feels he should warn her, explain just a little:] Been in a bad place for a couple years. 's not easy to just extract yourself from that. Or to even want to.
no subject
sometimes is hardly an answer, but it seems like all he can get himself to say about it.
letting go, her hand down onto her lap, wanda leans back on her chair.
listens— )
You make the future sound really awful.
( —shakes her head, looking down at her hands. )
Clint — I don't want you to feel like you have to be perfectly fine for my sake. None of us are. You're allowed to be this.
( this version of himself, whatever it's supposed to be. whatever it's supposed to hide, protect, keep close so that he doesn't crumble. )
no subject
Maybe he doesn't need all this on his, either. He just doesn't know how to let it go.]
You were always welcome at home, on the farm. You know that, right? [After the original team became brand new uncles to the kids, that expanded to the new team, too. All good people who might sometimes need a little time living a slightly more rustic life chopping wood and running the tractor and feeding the chickens.] You're always welcome here, too. Or wherever I am. Even if I'm being a surly bastard about it.
apologies for the delay :') but maybe a good spot to wrap!
( she had been bound, at the time, with things that seemed more important. a new asset and all to SHIELD, things were mostly complicated, logistically, she's sure. for now, it's good to know that he can say these things, seem open to her intruding in his space more often.
that she's welcome to it.
wanda hopes that he knows that he's welcome to her space, too, to get involved however he wants, to be part of it, even while being a surly bastard about it. )
How about you finish your dinner first, and then we can talk about potential weekend plans? You'll have to make time for me.