fucky feelings for cuttingremark

[brandingproblem]

(from here)

He keeps his word. He doesn't tell anyone where Loki's hiding out, powerless. Even though he should. At the very least, Thor deserves to know, and when he inevitably finds out, Clint is going to accept whatever anger the thunder god levels at him.

Steve's gone, Tony's dead, Nat's dead, Bruce is...happy and content with his life and doesn't deserve that dropped on him frankly. So. That's all the OG crew accounted for. The new crew would obviously have heard about Loki, but that's not the same as actually being present fighting him or his forces. That Scott guy doesn't count, either. Like, would they do something? Maybe not if he hasn't actually done anything and doesn't pose a threat.

NYPD might have a few choice words, but. Clint tries very hard not to get noticed by the local LEOs if he can help it. Loki isn't really their jurisdiction, and SHIELD is...more or less out of commission even though it still works in the shadows, where Fury and Hill are. Wherever they are.

Which doesn't mean Loki gets of scot free. If he is up to something, then it's up to Clint to suss it out. Clint's mess, as ever. If Loki really is as powerless as it seems, there are still plenty of other ways he could fuck around and cause trouble. So. His responsibility.

It's definitely not whatever lingering connection of magic that binds their minds, not telepathy, not even really empathy, but still. A connection. It might have been severed long ago, but it's as Loki implied: you don't come out of that, something that strong and strange and otherworldly, and not have there be something that remains behind. Therapy has been all well and good. He isn't angry about it, not really, and he doesn't get nightmares the way he used to, after. But also, he's not sure it prepared him for Loki being in his life again. Not just a passing glance, either.

It jumbles everything up. The same type of traitorous thought that had him pondering Loki's sleeping habits and the absurd thought of touching crops up whenever he's near. Something damn near affectionate, something starved. Something that's in Loki, too, and it makes him feel sick. Makes him feel wanting. Which makes him feel sicker.

His eyes might be clear, but his mind feels clouded. Not a great way to show up at the apartment, but he can't just let this pass by without checking in on Loki. That's most of the reason he takes these trips back to NYC in the first place. Occasionally check in on Avengers-y things, see how the cleanup of the compound is up north, catch up with a few people he actually knows. But. It's about Loki.

It's always been fucking about Loki, huh.

He raps on the door, drinks nestled in a holder. Hot tea for Loki, a spiced blend, cloves, cinnamon. Makes him think of wintertime. Makes him think of the spicy and complicated (former?) god. Coffee for himself. Peace offering.

Comments

[cuttingremark]

"I'm well aware you wished you'd loosed that arrow into my head in the tower. There were several times I wished you had as well." Maybe if he were dead this wouldn't be an issue.

Well, given that he had been dead and now isn't, maybe that wouldn't actually be so helpful.

"I...I know. Thank you for your silence." He won't. He's too much of a coward to face Thor again after all these years, after being mourned again and again, with the threat of it still hanging over his head like some unseen sword dangling in air.

[brandingproblem]

There's not much to say to that. Because he had the discipline enough to know not to murder a guy in front of his brother, and in front of a group of do-gooders. Coulson would've praised him for the restraint if--well.

Another thing to never really forgive Loki for. But.

"Give me your phone. If you've got a phone." He's not sending ravens.

[cuttingremark]

"Of course I have a phone." Loki stands and begins walking out of the room, clearly intending Cint to follow him. "I'm not a barbarian."

His footsteps are nearly silent as he pads into the living room to fish the device from his purse. Luckily he'd had the presence of mind to drop it onto the couch on their way to the bedroom, so there isn't much hunting involved.

"Here." He holds it out to Clint with a new contact screen up.

[brandingproblem]

"What do you even use it for if no one's supposed to know you're alive?"

But he plugs in his info, shoots a text to his own phone, hands it back over. No snooping. No funny business. Tempting as it may be.

"Keep me updated about Strange. And we'll settle on where we want to meet up next time. Even if it's just back here."

[cuttingremark]

"I have my reasons." Mainly ordering takeout. He'd earned pretty quick that the best mom-and-pop establishments didn't have online ordering.

"Of course..." Well now it's just awkward. Loki looks around the room, trying to find either a natural out or something else to talk about. "You are welcome to stay for dinner, if you wish. I don't think we'll have the same problems as last night again."

[brandingproblem]

"...Sure." He shouldn't. He should really just go. But fuck it, let Loki do something nice, as though making up for all of this happening. Even if it feels like some kind of awkward date. "I'll stay out of your way. Not get involved, just in case."

[cuttingremark]

"I can attempt to make pasta again," Loki says, sitting on a bar stool at the counter separating the living area from the kitchen. "Or I can order something. There's a fantastic Indian establishment just a few blocks away."

[brandingproblem]

"Your place, dealer's choice." He knows this is awkward, and that he's not really helping by being any less awkward. Because it's an awkward fucking situation. How else can he be? "I've never been picky." Maybe Loki picked up on that? Maybe he didn't. It's hard sometimes to know what all he does and does not know from their previous time together. And after the years (and apparently a death), even how much of that would stick.