brandingproblem | au shenanigans for icasm

"No, god, maybe we shouldn't talk about dreams. Unless you really want to hear some of the ones I can barely remember." He really can't imagine that being interesting, but then again, Loki is a very lucid dreamer and probably finds the human idea of just dreaming shit up and not having any control to be fascinating.

"I don't actually...know what about. But we fucking suck at talking, so, maybe practicing...talking, maybe that'll work better for us in the long run."

"...alright." Loki sighs again, though a great deal quieter this time around, and settles himself into the couch, summoning his tea from the kitchen and allowing his cat to curl up at his hip while he sets the phone down and puts Clint on speaker. What? Tea takes two hands if one's doing it right.

"We could start with a simple exchange of information. One of us says something that is true, and the other responds, so on and so forth, until we need a new topic.

I can begin, even," and before Clint has much leeway to interrupt one way or another, "by saying that I thought perhaps you were angry with me, but now I am unsure that is true." Was true? Maybe. He doesn't care if Clint was angry with him but does care if Clint remains angry with him.

That there's an extended silence at the other end is always hard to interpret. Loki does love to talk, though, and Clint is fine with letting himself do most of the talking. He just has to think about how to reply to it.

"I don't think I was angry with you. I might have been angry at myself." But this is already skirting really fucking close to Talking About It, which they both have mutually agreed they don't want to do. "I'm not angry right now. Not with you."

"Good. Because it is a difficult thing to tolerate, you being angry with me. And now I feel like a depiction of a human teenager, ugh." Loki takes a sip of tea. "Tell me something you're concerned about that has little or nothing to do with me?" Isn't that what friends do? Discuss their lives in common, and otherwise?

He does want to be Clint's friend. He wants more, certainly, but none of this will work if they're constantly at odds. Even he, chaos incarnate, is aware of that much.

"Nothing to do with you?" A wild request from Loki, and he actually has to lean back and think about the things that--aren't Loki, when talking to Loki.

"I...was actually thinking about what to do with the house once Nate's gone." He and Laura have had short little discussions, but nothing concrete planned. "I mean, we're not gonna get rid of it; it's a good place, really is home now, and I'm not about to turn it into a rental or an airbnb or anything like that and compromise the location. But it'll be really quiet. It already feels like too much space." A short laugh: "Until the holidays come around, then it'll feel like just the right size again."

"It's my understanding that friends know things about one another's lives, concerns, whathaveyou." Offhand. Like he hadn't thought about it, or read books on the subject, or read articles, or countless internet forums and memes and short videos by humans struggling to emotionally connect with other humans.

Like he hasn't done research on the topic.

"The quiet is one of the hardest parts of living alone. Or alone-ish, in your case. Sometimes a benefit but often it's just... empty." Smaller spaces are easier to manage, in that way, but Clint isn't looking for solutions or suggestions so Loki doesn't mention it.

"Do you like the quiet?" Without mentioning the whole friend thing. Whatever. But he's curious now. "I mean, you grew up in a palace full of people, presumably. Is being on your own too quiet, or do you like it better that way now?"

"I like quiet in the sense of not having other people around in certain situations. Reading, painting, studying, that sort of thing." The audio equivalent of a shrug at the end of that sentence. "When I was a child I thought that I preferred quiet, but what I actually preferred was knowing when and how I was going to be interrupted from the quiet.

I'm used to it, I suppose? I don't know that I would say that I like it better now. I wouldn't live with strangers, however, at this rate, ever again if it could at all be avoided."

"I guess it must be nice to have your own space, anyway." Seeing as he can't imagine not sharing space with someone for most of his life. He's really not sure what it's like on a more permanent basis. "Can't see you with strangers, though, no. Get on your nerves, and you'd be too intense for them."

"It is nice, yes." Lonely and strange at its worst times, but it remains the least stressful living arrangement he's had in quite a while. "I'm too intense for most, whether or not I'm already annoyed.

"Will you become the sort of people who host parties in order to fil the house with noise? I imagine not." But it does beg the question, what will the Bartons do with an empty house?

"I don't know. Maybe. For some of the people that are left, and some of the new kids, maybe. Probably not. We haven't really made any decisions and probably won't until Nate's about ready to graduate."

And then it really will be too quiet. What are they going to do with themselves?

"I imagine he'll be like his siblings and make sure to keep in touch with Uncle Loki all the time."

That seems like a late point to make decisions, but he supposes something should be said for avoidance tendencies.

"I'm not concerned about that, really." Mostly because he and Nate already have a shared language of memes and strange references to build off of, and he already texts Loki more often than his siblings do. "I am concerned about you, in the future, in a quiet house. What happens when you're bored more often than not?"

"Maybe we'll go back in the field."

Laura's been out of it long enough that she probably would only be logistical support. For whatever group she might fall in with. SWORD maybe.

"There's still plenty of trouble I can help right in the world. Or get into and get myself half killed. Could always try and take on new building projects, though. Keep my hands busy."

He squints out into the night. "Or maybe that's when you'll swoop in and really harp on the whole being your chosen weapon thing. Maybe you've got some chores for me to do."

"Hm."

Another sip of tea. He's not sure how he feels about either of those particular options, honestly. Clint and Laura going back into the field make him feel like his own actions towards making Clint stronger and longer lived than the typical earthbound human would probably hit the light nearly immediately.

"I would prefer you about as close to death as you are today."

A soft scoff. "You know the offer stands to see other worlds, at the very least. I am not going to force it on you." Once again, skirting too close to things they don't talk about. "Not this decade."

"I dunno, if you were going to, I'd hurry if I were you. God knows the next time I go somewhere and trouble lands right in my lap, I've lived on borrowed time for half my life."

"You say that as though I don't have the means to keep tabs on where you are when you wander away from home." A beat. Loki finishes his tea and sets it down on the coffee table. "Do you want me to convince you?"

"I'm not getting whisked away on intergalactic adventures with you." Not yet. Not just yet. Nate still needs to be cared for until he's out of the house. "Might be able to convince Laura she needs a vacation, though. What's a place you'd like to show me?"

"Well if I'm to take people on a vacation there's any number of spots." Loki hums. "Gibborum is beautiful mid-winter, Indigarr has gorgeous sunsets and fascinating horticulture. I could do a whirlwind tour, I suppose. Sights to see around the galaxy."

"What's your favorite place?"

He winces to himself after, recognizing that maybe Loki's favorite place is probably someplace that doesn't even exist anymore. "Favorite that we could go to, I mean."

A long pause on Loki's end. "I don't know, really. It's been... complicated."

People usually know who he is. Trouble occurs. Memories haunt him.

"Perhaps somewhere new."

It occurs to Clint what this whirlwind tour might actually be. "Starting to think this isn't actually a vacation you're planning." More of a leave and never look back, keep going until eventually one of them (Clint) croaks. Cause as much trouble somewhere as possible, take off to parts unknown, rinse repeat.

"Is there anywhere on Earth you want to see that you haven't already?"

"There are some places. Some of them possibly mythical, the rest simply uninterested in contact with the broader outside world. Should I compile a list?"

"Well..." Does Atlantis exist? He's not taking the likes of Loki to Wakanda. Shit, does Loki know more about the planet than he does? "I can't promise I'd be able to get you to any of those places."

But it's nice to dream? Ugh.

That's too bad because Loki would really like to see Wakanda.

"That's fine. This is an exercise, anyway."

"In futility?"

There's a soft sound that might be Clint thudding his head back against the wall. "Sorry, that was...rude. This was my idea in the first place." To talk. Just talk. Try not to ruin everything. "A list would be nice."

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