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"Consider the following visual:" And here he flexes. "Pop some buttons and bust some seams. Make some dumbshit comment about my exercise regimen and casually leave to change."

Phil laughs and shakes his head. "Sure. Sure, if that's what you want to do. Maybe I'll follow you just to get them thinking about what we might get up to."

Clint's kitchen is better stocked than he expects. Maybe because Clint knew he'd be coming over eventually. He prefers cooking to going out whenever possible.

"I'll workshop it." No he won't. "I think this whole scenario also works just as well if you're just casual Phil and plop down on the couch to give me head-lap time."

"I see, you want the head-lap time." Which Phil doesn't mind. He enjoys it too. It's giving Clint what he likes and needs. He's always happy to do that.

Dinner is a quick simple pasta dish that's somewhat improvised but something he's made before. It will be filling enough and has vegetables in it so that it's healthy.

Clint might hover when it comes to food. Stealing quick bites of whatever's available over Phil's shoulder. Which he's allowed to do, in his own kitchen.

"What's something you want?" He waves a hand. "I mean, okay, we did the suit thing. What else do you want? Doesn't have to be a thing we do now. Doesn't have to be a thing we ever do. Hit me with your best shot. Something you want. Go."

Something Phil wanted? That was a very open ended question. He wanted a lot of things when it came to Clint. And, of course, because he's Phil Coulson he can't simply answer the question.

"Do you mean sexually or in our relationship in general?" he asks for clarification. The suits are sexual. Well, there's a sexual aspect to them. Phil can't deny that.

"Either? Whichever comes to mind? In general, I guess?" It's just how the are, heart and logic. Clint just says things, runs on impulse and feeling, and Phil needs clarification and specificity.

Phil considers for a moment but when he speaks it's from the heart. "I'd like us to get a place together. Not at Stark's tower, I'm not talking about that but somewhere quiet."

He takes a deep breath. "Since we joked about vacation I've been thinking about how nice it would be to have a safe house somewhere isolated that you and I could go to when we want to get away from this life for awhile. I don't know why, probably too much HG TV but I like the idea of a farmhouse."

To be fair, Clint asked for this. Here he was, stupidly thinking it'd be anything between the range of 'gee gosh idk I've always wanted to try pony play' to 'slow dancing, please' or...anything like that.

"Why do we keep having these kinda conversations while eating?" he muses, running a hand over his face. "I know I said in general. I just...had no idea that kind of thing was on your mind. Do you want to retire to an actual farm or something?"

"You ask these questions while we're eating," he feels compelled to point out but he's not offended by Clint's surprise. The answer must be unexpected since they've only just started stretching the boundaries of their relationship.

"A real farm is work, but a hobby farm maybe. I won't seriously consider retirement for a while." Phil's not ready for that yet though it did look tempting after... after Loki.

"It's an idea, that's all."

"You know I grew up in the middle of farm country, right?" Which is not a dismissal. He does sometimes miss miles of relatively open field and gently rolling hills, when the city is far too crowded and bright and noisy.

"I guess...it'd be quiet, cozy. Little fixer upper of a place? Some white picket fencing?" A tree out in the yard for target practice-- He clears his throat. "Some little barn you can fancy up into some kind of mancave shed?" It sounds like Phil's thinking about it more as a secret getaway, which is much closer to the present, than for eventual old man retirement that they're both aware they may never actually get to see.

"And then 2.5 kids and a dog?"

"I know you did." And he knows from their years of working together that sometimes Clint wants those wide open spaces again. Phil is a city boy and doesn't mind it the way Clint can sometimes.

"I don't know about kids," he says with a small shake of his head. "I've never really thought about them before. And yes, some sort of hobby for me to do somewhere in the barn. Maybe restoring classic cars? I'll get bored otherwise."

Maybe he wants this more than he realized when he first thought of it. It sounds... nice.

"I'll need something for me, too, or I'll drive myself up the wall and see how quickly even I can wear on your very last nerve, and no one wants to see that." They have a good track record. Very few blow ups. Though even thinking about that makes Clint's hands itch to knock wood. Feels like they're due a dust up.

"If you're gonna get bored, why get a place in the middle of nowhere anyway?"

"I think you'd be happier." And there's a lot Phil would do to make sure Clint's happy. "I think I'd retire first. You'd be in the city alone a lot of the time. It would be an escape for you. Until you're ready to retire yourself."

They might be due a fight. They're certainly going to hit a few rough spots as they adjust to being public about their relationship.

That's for the future. Right now they can talk about this and focus on it.

"Is this a cozy safehouse, or is this planning for when we're old and grey and not dead?" Which is way too far ahead for Clint. "You don't want that just for me. Obviously the idea makes some part of you happy."

"I'm not entirely sure anymore," he admits with a chuckle at himself. "It started as a safe house and now I'm thinking of other things. Let's revisit the idea another time."

Phil can tell he's gone a step too far. He's pushing Clint too far too fast. He knows better than to push like this.

"I think I'm just a romantic old man."

"I'm not opposed to safehouses, just...that's..." A lot more than 'hey do you want to become more official and also bring up dating and love'.

"Think I just need to keep my mouth shut."

"No, I always like hearing what you're thinking and feeling." He reaches across the table and squeezes Clint's wrist. "Let's come back to this another time, okay?"

He just got Clint back. He doesn't want to put distance between them again just to give Clint more time to think. Again. Phil would like this night together if that's still possible after he opened his mouth like a fool.

He's pretty damn sure there are thoughts and feelings he needs to keep to himself. Like the impulse to say let's come back to this never. Maybe don't say that. God, don't make a fight start over something so...innocent? Romantic?

"What about something you want that's a little more attainable?"

"Let's go to bed," he says simply. Whatever that means to Clint. They can sleep or fool around. It will depend on what Clint feels up to after the conversation. "I'll even leave the dishes for tomorrow."

He really is romantic and imagining a whole future that ends quietly and peacefully together. It's a crazy dream given their lives and their jobs. Phil will hold it close though.

Phil's trying to mitigate the damage. It's very practical of him after such an impractical suggestion. A pipe dream. A nice fantasy. Maybe he shouldn't shit on this nice ideal being built up, but, god, is that what Phil thinks about? Planning out their lives together? Dinner might end up being fraught for the fact that Clint's going to half expect a proposal.

"Or leave dishes for me." Whatever. Tomorrow. "Yeah. Okay. We can go to bed." It's sure as hell attainable, even if it's not the kind of answer he was looking for.

Sometimes, even Phil can have ridiculous pipe dreams about happy endings with retirement and the man he loves. Who probably loves him back. Phil gets the feeling that's what scares Clint most.

He helps clear the table before taking Clint by the hand trying to reassure him just a little bit. It's fine. They're fine. Phil's always looked more towards the future than Clint. He'll be waiting there when Clint catches up.

"I'm going to steal this flannel if you're not careful."

Are they fine? Because he was pretty sure they were even more than fine until Phil started planning their retirement together, and now it feels like everything's thrown out of whack again. There's no fear of leaving, of course. If he ran every time Phil said something emotionally vulnerable and frightening, they wouldn't even be together. It's just...startling.

"I'll just buy another. Until you steal that one, too. And one day, you're gonna look at your closet and wonder how it became half flannel."

Half of his closet being flannel doesn't sound too bad, actually. It would be more evidence of Clint settling into their joint life together.

"You're going to make me late one morning and I'll walk into a briefing in a suit and flannel." Right now, he goes through the usual routine he has for going to bed at Clint's place. He doesn't expect anything sexual at all given how gun shy Clint seems right now.

He is content with simply being together again.

"Now I want to make you late soon as possible, just for fun. Think Fury'll have the good humor enough to let it slide?"

Could be sexy stuff was on the table, and now it's questionable. Which kind of sucks. But that's nobody's fault! "I don't think flannel goes with, but at least you'll be nothing but cozy."

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/just casually messes with canon nbd

hey welcome to this au: messin' with canon

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