I- Mean Strange, yeah... [ A beat, he clears his throat. ] Look, it's tough out there for wizards. Market's completely oversaturated; so I'm helpin' him out with a referral or two. Sue me.
[ Tony playfully elbows him back. ] You've always had your own blacksmith on call, I just used to go by somethin' different. [ There's a smirk on his face when he follows it up with. ] But I'm the Metal Whisperer, now, don'tcha know.
Helping him out in plenty of other ways that I don't need to know about, too, I'm sure.
[He scrunches his face at the name. What. Tony.] No, you're definitely not. You might as well stay Iron Man if you're gonna have a blacksmith-y nickname. It's still so useful and evocative. Hey, you think the fairies have ever heard any Black Sabbath? [Someone get thee some bards and form a metal band. C'mon. Surely they can figure it out.
And of course it's right in the middle of the cajoling that he has to hit Tony over the head with the whammy:] I don't forgive you, you know. [And don't worry, he's going to let that sink in for a beat or three. For what it's worth, Clint doesn't look mad or upset or anything other than still kind of having a smile about Iron Man, actually. He shrugs a shoulder.] Or guess it's really more that I can't, I s'pose. Can't forgive you for something if I don't know what I'm forgiving.
[ The brief smirk on Tony's face is positively wicked, but he says nothing about all those things Clint doesn't need to know about.
Aaaand then his face falls. And keeps falling. Until Clint gets done with his explanation that he can't decipher what Tony's weird behavior is about. Okay that's- Doable. Tony can do this. ] Just- Apologizing for busting your balls so much, man. [ His too loud laugh probably makes it clear that he doesn't know how much more detail he needs to give to make this clear. He takes a big breath, and decides to just- Go for it. ] About... The king, I mean.
[Look. It's a little bit fun. Consider it his own way of ball busting, just in a way that's perhaps slightly less damaging. Clint's face freezes in stone when the actual topic is dropped. Easy smile and searching eyes turned cold and stiff.]
That's a turnaround for you. Given how much you were enjoying bringing that up at real inconvenient moments. What, you do another trade with him and decide he rubbed you the wrong way?
[Is there a word for something slotting into place and shattering all at once? There's probably a German word for it, but in spite of knowing German, he can't think of one that's quite the vibe of the mental sensation this knowledge has on him.]
You fucking-- [misread the situation??? what- how the hell did-] This entire time, you really thought I-- [was boyfriends with king fuckface, king of the fuckfaces???
Clint runs a hand over his face, then back through his hair, turns and takes a few paces away, turns and comes right back. Opens his mouth like he's going to start shouting, closes it again. Looks around, grabs Tony by the arm, drags him to a quieter corner and keeps his voice low.]
Just so we're crystal clear, do you understand the situation now? Are you sure?
[ Okay, ow buddy; the heart thing means he bruises like a banana. ] Yes, Jesus, I understand. [ Don't make him say it, man. Just don't. ] The King's a fuckin' asshole, I get it.
[ Don't say Natasha. Don't say Natasha. ] 'M smarter than I look? [ A beat. He's gonna need a better excuse than that. ] Something about it didn't feel right, so- I put two and two together. [ Another beat. ] Well. Really it was more... Square root of the square of x-one minus x-two plus the square of y-one minus y-two. [ A third beat. To really sell it. ] Distance between two points, if you even care.
[Actually just stop saying words, genuinely shut the fuck up, Do Not Open Your Mouth Further, though whether Tony listens to that or not is entirely up to Tony. And Tony's unfortunate impulses.
Take a breath. Nice and deep through the nose.]
I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt, Tony. Because you're my friend. You have said and done some pretty horrible stuff to your friends before, but I'd like to think that if you hadn't misread the situation? That some of the things that came out of your mouth would not have come out. I'd like to think that you would have gotten really awkward and quiet and then said something else stupid and unfortunate to change the topic. So I guess this is kind of that, just really belatedly.
[ Tony seals his lips shut. He just awkwardly stands there, feeling terrible, and Not Opening His Mouth Further. ] Mhm. [ Is his response when he dares make a noise. He follows it up with a hard swallow.
After a long, pregnant pause, he tacks on: ] Do you want me to say something else stupid and unfortunate to change the topic...? [ Because Tony would really like to do that right about now. ]
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brandingproblem) wrote2025-03-24 12:12 pm
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[ Tony playfully elbows him back. ] You've always had your own blacksmith on call, I just used to go by somethin' different. [ There's a smirk on his face when he follows it up with. ] But I'm the Metal Whisperer, now, don'tcha know.
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[He scrunches his face at the name. What. Tony.] No, you're definitely not. You might as well stay Iron Man if you're gonna have a blacksmith-y nickname. It's still so useful and evocative. Hey, you think the fairies have ever heard any Black Sabbath? [Someone get thee some bards and form a metal band. C'mon. Surely they can figure it out.
And of course it's right in the middle of the cajoling that he has to hit Tony over the head with the whammy:] I don't forgive you, you know. [And don't worry, he's going to let that sink in for a beat or three. For what it's worth, Clint doesn't look mad or upset or anything other than still kind of having a smile about Iron Man, actually. He shrugs a shoulder.] Or guess it's really more that I can't, I s'pose. Can't forgive you for something if I don't know what I'm forgiving.
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Aaaand then his face falls. And keeps falling. Until Clint gets done with his explanation that he can't decipher what Tony's weird behavior is about. Okay that's- Doable. Tony can do this. ] Just- Apologizing for busting your balls so much, man. [ His too loud laugh probably makes it clear that he doesn't know how much more detail he needs to give to make this clear. He takes a big breath, and decides to just- Go for it. ] About... The king, I mean.
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That's a turnaround for you. Given how much you were enjoying bringing that up at real inconvenient moments. What, you do another trade with him and decide he rubbed you the wrong way?
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Assholeassholeassholeasshole. Dickheaddickheaddickheaddickhead. ]
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You fucking-- [misread the situation??? what- how the hell did-] This entire time, you really thought I-- [was boyfriends with king fuckface, king of the fuckfaces???
Clint runs a hand over his face, then back through his hair, turns and takes a few paces away, turns and comes right back. Opens his mouth like he's going to start shouting, closes it again. Looks around, grabs Tony by the arm, drags him to a quieter corner and keeps his voice low.]
Just so we're crystal clear, do you understand the situation now? Are you sure?
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You're damn right. [--he lets go. Shoves his hands in his pockets and looks somewhere between furious and panicky.] How'd you figure that one out?
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[Actually just stop saying words, genuinely shut the fuck up, Do Not Open Your Mouth Further, though whether Tony listens to that or not is entirely up to Tony. And Tony's unfortunate impulses.
Take a breath. Nice and deep through the nose.]
I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt, Tony. Because you're my friend. You have said and done some pretty horrible stuff to your friends before, but I'd like to think that if you hadn't misread the situation? That some of the things that came out of your mouth would not have come out. I'd like to think that you would have gotten really awkward and quiet and then said something else stupid and unfortunate to change the topic. So I guess this is kind of that, just really belatedly.
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After a long, pregnant pause, he tacks on: ] Do you want me to say something else stupid and unfortunate to change the topic...? [ Because Tony would really like to do that right about now. ]
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When he comes back to normal, he sighs heavily, shoulders doing a sag.] Yeah, actually, that'd be great.