[ Her face falls a bit. A lot of people got hurt in the water. She'd.... not had a good time there, but her hurt was just panic. She can't swim, not that the faeries care, and being underwater reminds her of the tank from the lab.
And then the kraken...
So many people...
Many people Eleven cares about. Her face twists up for a moment. She'd helped Laura get away, but other than that... Eleven feels like she failed at helping. After a moment, she blows out a breath. ]
You died. Erik, too. I didn't save people. Not a good Avenger.
[There's only so much of that kind of reaction he can take from Steve, a full adult who puts too much on his shoulders. Futaba expresses it, too--the idea if she were better, could do more, then surely she would have saved her friend. And now, from someone even younger?
His mouth says hey, though it only comes out as a huff of air. Because his hands reach around the waffle mass to take her hands gently. Securely. To try and impress upon her his own seriousness when it comes to the blame game. His hands can't stay there, in order to talk to her, so they reluctantly pull away.]
You can't help everyone. Focus on what you can do. My friend is strong; he couldn't help. He feels bad. It wasn't his fault. [And sure, maybe there are some who can take on the whole of what happened, but they are few and far between.] Were you scared?
[ Her face twists up a bit. Not quite crying, though emotions visibly wells in her. There's a mix of everything - from grief to guilt to anger to fear - and to Eleven, it's all just one big, giant ball. She's never been taught how to regulate herself like a normal child. Papa encouraged volatile reactions and soft obedience; anything else was not useful for the kind of weapon he wanted to create. And Hopper has a tendency to get loud and explosive himself when his emotions get too big.
The truth is, it takes everything not to just throw herself into a temper tantrum, a screaming match with her own frustrations that could wreck half the castle and then some.
Instead, after a moment, she blows out a harsh breath. ]
Yes. Water. Big monster. Bigger than the Demogorgon.
[ Upset makes her sentences shorter, more choppy. Her lips pull into something almost pouting, decidedly petulant. ]
Your friend. I'm stronger.
[ Does she know which friend he means? No. Is is true? She certainly thinks so. Does it matter? Absolutely not. She says it more because she wants to push back on something Clint says, but doesn't want to push on the things that he says that are kind and bring her comfort. In a way, even if she doesn't quite know it, being a little brat about something utterly not the point helps the roll of emotions not crash down over her. ]
[Upset makes the words harder. He gets it. Water and a big monster. She's still just a little girl with a lot of fucked up experiences under her belt. It's normal. She should be scared. And it's normal to see that fear as a weakness.
She at least tries to get through the tumult. Tries not to break down entirely, even if it means going around the issue to focus on something different. It isn't the point, but he's going to allow it for the moment, huff out some air in a laugh.]
I'd like to see the two of you fight. [Maybe not fight. Should he try to rephrase that? Mm, not a big deal, he thinks. The intention might come across just fine.
He makes a point of stabbing another waffle and holding it out to her. See? There's waffles. So things can't be the worst ever.]
[ it works, and it helps. The slight refocus within the bubble of conversation, his calm. The waffles, too. The smile she gives him is small, but deeply earnest. Takes the offered waffle, too, because she will never not want to stuff her face, honestly.
Mouth half-full and cheeks puffed out, she eventually says: ]
I'm not... scared of much. Water. [ She thinks, then amends: ] Under the water. Small, dark room. Papa.
[ Monsters not so much - they are scary, but don't inherently scare her. But she's not sure how to explain that. Some more chewing, then: ]
I fought Thor. [ Eleven seems very proud of that. ] But. He scared me. Electric hammer. I can fight your friend. I'll be careful to not hurt him.
[Water. Being in water, or not knowing how to swim? She can be taught to swim, that one's not a problem. He could argue a blanket fort is potentially a small, dark room, except that it isn't dark when lit up from the inside.
He gives another laugh, though, at the idea of Thor scaring a kid. Thor? Sorry, Thor, scaring the psychic child.] Thor is a teddy bear. Big hugs. Very funny. [But maybe having a lightning hammer used against you can be scary. Sparring with Thor was never an easy time.] Steve is very strong. He has a- [...Hmmmm.] -s-h-i-e-l-d to help him too.
[ She worries her lip for a moment, not sure if she should tell him. But she likes Clint. And Clint likes the Avengers. ]
We... fought. Because he said I'm not stronger than him. I kept him from flying.
[ She holds up her hand, palm out the way he's seen her use her power - she used them to ground Thor. It was a strain, and she wouldn't have been able to do it indefinitely - but for a moment there, she'd kept him from moving at all, even if it was hard. ]
He called... lightning. I'm not scared. But... the hammer. He moved to me, and the hammer made sparks.
[ Her eyes skitter away for a moment. Then she looks up at Clint, lowers her voice like she's telling a secret. ]
The lab. Collars with sparks, sometimes. The guards have. Sticks with sparks.
[ She makes her index and middle finger stiff, leans over and pokes them lightly against Clint's ribs. Like a cattle prod. ]
So. I got scared. Thor was kind, then. He hugged me. Until I wasn't scared anymore.
[Ah. Yes. A child experiment who had to go through shock collars and cattle prods might have a few hesitations regarding a lightning hammer and oh that's his vision going absolutely red for a moment.
Clint scoots closer in beside her and throws an arm around her. Thor would be kind to a scared child once he knew the sparring wasn't enjoyable. He would. Thor's good people, and Clint is not going to just let this go without giving her a hug, too.
It makes him so furious he's surprised he doesn't spontaneously magically have the ability to spit fire.] That shouldn't happen. [The shocks. To kids.] I'm sorry.
[ She's a little stiff at first when his arm comes up around her. But just for a heartbeat or two. Then she scoots close, leans in. Tucks herself against his side like she was meant to fit there, like all children do with people who are parents at heart. ]
It's okay. I'm out.
[ Not free - neither at home nor here. But... out of the lab. ]
I can grow my hair. I have friends. I learn.
[ And she wraps her arms around him - as if she's the one offering comfort to Clint now, not the other way around. It's okay, she says, and hugs him tight. ]
[It's not okay. Nothing about any of the situation is anywhere close to okay.
But she's somewhere better than she was. So that's something. It's not okay, but it's better. And that's a good place to start. She mentions her hair, and he'd like to offer to brush it, but there are flowers tucked in it, placed with care. By a friend. Okay. He can take a breath and squeeze her tight.
[ She squeezes back. Eleven is getting better at that, especially with the people she cares about. After a moment she pulls back. Puts her hand on Clint's cheeks. Her expression is a little sad, a little apologetic, and very fond. ]
I make you sad.
[ She pulls back further, not to get away, just give him room to sign and so that she can actually see his hands. ]
[She is bright and beautiful and wonderful and makes him both confused and happy, makes him alarmed and tired in a way that's familiar when dealing with kids.]
[ There's something she's learned. From Joyce, from Hopper, from Erik, from Clint. Eleven slightly pushes up on her knees to gain a little more height, and then she gives Clint a kiss on the forehead.
It's what adults she trusts do to her for comfort and affection. So it's what she does to Clint now. ]
Kali escaped. She was 008. Older than me. Didn't grow up in the lab. The last few years, it was just... me.
[Oh no. Oh no, that's adorable. She's mimicking, she's had it done to her in times of distress, so she's doing it to adults. He can't even say it's not appropriate, just...it's odd and cute and funny. And sad. That she feels the need to take care of people around her.]
Did she already have a name before she was 008? [Since she didn't grow up in the lab. Kidnapped off the street and experimented on?]
[ Eleven nods while settling back down. Her face isn't quite as childlike as one would hope now - a little more somber and a little more serious, just like when they originally met, when she was wearing the clothes. ]
Yes. Kali Prasad. I saw... a newspaper. In Hopper's files. 'Vanished - Indian Girl Missing in London'. [ She quotes the headline, mispronouncing it like Indy Anne and Lonn Donn. ] Last seen July 12. 1969. [ She says Nineteen-Six-Nine. ] She was... 5.
[ She'd taken that newspaper clipping when she ran away from Hawkins, and read it over and over again. ]
[He won't correct the pronunciation. Mostly because he literally can't. That's not the big deal. The big deal is someone was already tracking down missing kids from around the world and that missing kids from around the world were part of one big conspiracy with a lab that hopefully burned to the ground.]
[ Eleven pauses, as if she never stopped to think about it. In many ways, she hasn't. She didn't even know to question her life until very recently - or at least, that's what she thinks. There is more context, buried deep down in repressed memories she has no idea how to reach for. So for now, a small shrug. ]
I was meant to spy. And I was supposed to learn... remote assassination. [ The official reason for everything Hawkins Lab did before she found the monster. That Papa had motives related to the Upside Down long before she became aware of its existence... well. That's beyond her understanding. At any rate... ] I don't... remember the others. The children. Just... doors. Empty rooms. Something... happened. In the Rainbow Room. I don't remember.
[ She fidgets. ]
Kali has. Different powers. She puts images in your head. They're... not real.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
brandingproblem) wrote2025-03-24 12:12 pm
no subject
And then the kraken...
So many people...
Many people Eleven cares about. Her face twists up for a moment. She'd helped Laura get away, but other than that... Eleven feels like she failed at helping. After a moment, she blows out a breath. ]
You died. Erik, too. I didn't save people. Not a good Avenger.
no subject
His mouth says hey, though it only comes out as a huff of air. Because his hands reach around the waffle mass to take her hands gently. Securely. To try and impress upon her his own seriousness when it comes to the blame game. His hands can't stay there, in order to talk to her, so they reluctantly pull away.]
You can't help everyone. Focus on what you can do. My friend is strong; he couldn't help. He feels bad. It wasn't his fault. [And sure, maybe there are some who can take on the whole of what happened, but they are few and far between.] Were you scared?
no subject
The truth is, it takes everything not to just throw herself into a temper tantrum, a screaming match with her own frustrations that could wreck half the castle and then some.
Instead, after a moment, she blows out a harsh breath. ]
Yes. Water. Big monster. Bigger than the Demogorgon.
[ Upset makes her sentences shorter, more choppy. Her lips pull into something almost pouting, decidedly petulant. ]
Your friend. I'm stronger.
[ Does she know which friend he means? No. Is is true? She certainly thinks so. Does it matter? Absolutely not. She says it more because she wants to push back on something Clint says, but doesn't want to push on the things that he says that are kind and bring her comfort. In a way, even if she doesn't quite know it, being a little brat about something utterly not the point helps the roll of emotions not crash down over her. ]
no subject
She at least tries to get through the tumult. Tries not to break down entirely, even if it means going around the issue to focus on something different. It isn't the point, but he's going to allow it for the moment, huff out some air in a laugh.]
I'd like to see the two of you fight. [Maybe not fight. Should he try to rephrase that? Mm, not a big deal, he thinks. The intention might come across just fine.
He makes a point of stabbing another waffle and holding it out to her. See? There's waffles. So things can't be the worst ever.]
It's okay to be scared.
no subject
Mouth half-full and cheeks puffed out, she eventually says: ]
I'm not... scared of much. Water. [ She thinks, then amends: ] Under the water. Small, dark room. Papa.
[ Monsters not so much - they are scary, but don't inherently scare her. But she's not sure how to explain that. Some more chewing, then: ]
I fought Thor. [ Eleven seems very proud of that. ] But. He scared me. Electric hammer. I can fight your friend. I'll be careful to not hurt him.
no subject
He gives another laugh, though, at the idea of Thor scaring a kid. Thor? Sorry, Thor, scaring the psychic child.] Thor is a teddy bear. Big hugs. Very funny. [But maybe having a lightning hammer used against you can be scary. Sparring with Thor was never an easy time.] Steve is very strong. He has a- [...Hmmmm.] -s-h-i-e-l-d to help him too.
no subject
We... fought. Because he said I'm not stronger than him. I kept him from flying.
[ She holds up her hand, palm out the way he's seen her use her power - she used them to ground Thor. It was a strain, and she wouldn't have been able to do it indefinitely - but for a moment there, she'd kept him from moving at all, even if it was hard. ]
He called... lightning. I'm not scared. But... the hammer. He moved to me, and the hammer made sparks.
[ Her eyes skitter away for a moment. Then she looks up at Clint, lowers her voice like she's telling a secret. ]
The lab. Collars with sparks, sometimes. The guards have. Sticks with sparks.
[ She makes her index and middle finger stiff, leans over and pokes them lightly against Clint's ribs. Like a cattle prod. ]
So. I got scared. Thor was kind, then. He hugged me. Until I wasn't scared anymore.
no subject
Clint scoots closer in beside her and throws an arm around her. Thor would be kind to a scared child once he knew the sparring wasn't enjoyable. He would. Thor's good people, and Clint is not going to just let this go without giving her a hug, too.
It makes him so furious he's surprised he doesn't spontaneously magically have the ability to spit fire.] That shouldn't happen. [The shocks. To kids.] I'm sorry.
no subject
It's okay. I'm out.
[ Not free - neither at home nor here. But... out of the lab. ]
I can grow my hair. I have friends. I learn.
[ And she wraps her arms around him - as if she's the one offering comfort to Clint now, not the other way around. It's okay, she says, and hugs him tight. ]
no subject
But she's somewhere better than she was. So that's something. It's not okay, but it's better. And that's a good place to start. She mentions her hair, and he'd like to offer to brush it, but there are flowers tucked in it, placed with care. By a friend. Okay. He can take a breath and squeeze her tight.
They'll protect each other like a team.]
no subject
I make you sad.
[ She pulls back further, not to get away, just give him room to sign and so that she can actually see his hands. ]
no subject
[She is bright and beautiful and wonderful and makes him both confused and happy, makes him alarmed and tired in a way that's familiar when dealing with kids.]
It shouldn't happen to anyone.
no subject
It's what adults she trusts do to her for comfort and affection. So it's what she does to Clint now. ]
Kali escaped. She was 008. Older than me. Didn't grow up in the lab. The last few years, it was just... me.
no subject
Did she already have a name before she was 008? [Since she didn't grow up in the lab. Kidnapped off the street and experimented on?]
no subject
Yes. Kali Prasad. I saw... a newspaper. In Hopper's files. 'Vanished - Indian Girl Missing in London'. [ She quotes the headline, mispronouncing it like Indy Anne and Lonn Donn. ] Last seen July 12. 1969. [ She says Nineteen-Six-Nine. ] She was... 5.
[ She'd taken that newspaper clipping when she ran away from Hawkins, and read it over and over again. ]
no subject
Why?
no subject
I was meant to spy. And I was supposed to learn... remote assassination. [ The official reason for everything Hawkins Lab did before she found the monster. That Papa had motives related to the Upside Down long before she became aware of its existence... well. That's beyond her understanding. At any rate... ] I don't... remember the others. The children. Just... doors. Empty rooms. Something... happened. In the Rainbow Room. I don't remember.
[ She fidgets. ]
Kali has. Different powers. She puts images in your head. They're... not real.