Tony grabs for the bottle again, forcing the tension out of his shoulders with a few steadying breaths and some shoulder rolls. ] Well, okay... More fun except for that brief period in the early 2000s when I was married. [ Wait for it. ] To Justin. [ Here it comes. ] Hammer.
[ He bursts out laughing a moment later. Ridiculous, and stupid, and why the fuck had she listened to Obadiah on having their companies 'show solidarity in these war torn times' will remain a mystery to him for the rest of his life. (Or would remain a mystery, if he wasn't painfully aware of the fact that when Obie said jump, he and she alike used to ask 'How high?')
As he lets out one last scoff, he feels more... Normal. Sort of. ] Honestly, and I hate to make this joke, I do. But somehow? Worse in bed than you. [ Hammer he means. Tony shrugs. ] Other you. Can't really judge you-you.
[Okay. That is better. That's Tony, sounding more Tony, and when he laughs, there's still a little force behind it but not nearly so much. Clint even joins in, because...holy shit, Justin Hammer?]
Ouch, that's awful. Tell me she dumped his ass? Tell me she was smart enough to realize she deserved better. [He plucks up one of the crystal batteries, holding it up to the light.] At least those Avengers had another woman on the team. Can't just say the girl one and everyone know who you're talking about.
[ Tony squints, tilts his head slightly, trying to think back to another self's memories. ] Yeah... Yeah, she dumped him right when she got back from Afghanistan. [ Well, after the whole Stane thing, she did. Better late than never. ] He was real broken up about it, which- Surprised to learn he swings that way. [ With a slight smile nostalgic for a life he didn't live, Tony chuckles. ] By the time we got Wanda and Vis on the team, the girl ones were threatening to overtake you guys depending on where Vision falls...
[ The crystal is a milky white, a slight twinkling glow moving within it like a lava lamp. ] Pretty, innit? [ Tony grabs a screwdriver and finishes tightening a few things on one of the adaptors he fashioned to hook the crystal up to the Widow Bites' power source. ] It's small, which means it's not gonna hold a charge for that long, but- [ He picks a bowl of salt water up off the floor and puts it on his workbench with a thunk. Then, he grabs the crystals, and drops them in the water. ] This allegedly helps? [ He gestures for Clint to hand over the crystal he's looking at. ]
[He drops the crystal in Tony's hand without risk of brushing skin. Besides, Tony never did like being handed things.]
You talk to your boyfriend about all this? I have to assume he had a hand in it, given you're not the magic guy. Even-- [He almost says William, but, they had that conversation, so...] Billy probably could help a good deal. He's got a natural aptitude for this stuff. The [spooky finger wiggle] magic stuff.
Yeah, he's been teachin' me some magic stuff in general. [ Tony says as he drops the last crystal in the purification bath. ] I'm trying to DIY a halfway point between what I already know and what I'm learning, and you know the magic people are all stuffy and all about tradition and shit, so... [ He wanted to attempt mostly doing this on his own, minus asking a few questions.
He mixes the water around with his index finger, swirling his finger clockwise 9 times. ]
Alright, so what we're gonna do, is you're gonna take these different crystals and charge 'em all with your zappy bullshit and I'll see which one likes the electric [ Spooky finger waggle. ] energy the best. Easy enough?
He's been trying to teach me the basics of keeping people out of my head. [If there is a look he gets at nothing in particular upon saying that, don't worry about it.
But this! Is more important! Because it's for Natasha, and also it's Tony reaching out in spite of himself. He reaches for a crystal, but then hesitates before he touches the water.] Is there anything else you have to do to them first, or can I start? I don't know if there's any good way for me to...regulate this, so hopefully I don't explode any of them.
[But when he's given the go ahead, he holds each in his right hand, pinched between fingers, and gives them a zap of lightning. It's hardly godly. It's just...like, taser fingers, man. But it's an experiment, so he'll zap away. His arm starts to get a little warm under the sleeves, feeling the lines of Thor's tattoo specifically down his arm. Nothing to worry about!!!]
Good. You badly need the help considering that's always how you end up in trouble. [ Tony comments with a fangy smirk and a raised eyebrow. He's not wrong. ]
Stephen's assured me none of them explode. [ He reassures before he leans closer to the bowl to watch. The submerged crystals all begin to glow faintly yellow, sparks dancing on their surfaces, as Clint charges them.
Tony stares for a moment before he glances up and then glances right back at the bowl. ] Holy shit, is this... Actually working? [ He doesn't mean to sound so, heh, shocked - he's just kind of impressed with himself that he's figured out how to do magical engineering. ]
And the real magic is that Clint's tat magic seems to actually be doing something useful here. He can see the effects. Wonders about overcharge, discharge, how much of a zap the bites are really going to be able to deliver, but it's something better than nothing, and Tony is impressed.
And fuck, he should be impressed. Magitech is nothing to sneeze at in terms of engineering prowess. At least in their universe. On their Earth.] Think you're outdoing yourself this time, old man. Pretty soon you'll be outforgeing the forgemaster and making magic swords and magic armor.
[ Tony gives him a look at the old man comment, but lets it go to grab one of the crystals just to see- ] Ow, fuck! [ And then promptly drops it back in the bath. He gives his hand a little shake for the pain before he looks at it. His palm's a red and angry, and his arm's a bit numb and tingly, but he'll live.
Hands on his hips as he looks at the bowl suspiciously, Tony's eyes flick around the room for- ] A-hah... [ He grabs a pair of tongs, instead, to extract the crystals from their bath. He lines them up on his workbench, from the faintest glow (a piece of tourmalinated quartz) to brightest (a citrine point) before he grabs his crystal-to-normal-battery adapters and pops the second faintest crystal (an amethyst) in using his tongs to manipulate it and install it in Natasha's left Bite, which he promptly puts on the bench and passes over to Clint. ] Here. [ A beat. ] Your aim's better. [ He explains. ] Hit me and I'll tell you how bad this hurts.
[It's all pretty fascinating. Makes sense that the crystals might be harder to handle, though seems like something that needs maybe a little bit worked on for later.
But at the request, he stares down at the Bite, face screwing up a little, and back up at Tony. Even if it's just a taser, that is a hell of a request to be making of him. Given the issues they aren't talking about.] I could also hit myself and tell you how bad it hurts.
I am so much more of a Justin O. Schmidt than you. [ Literally who, Tony? ] You lack a certain... Je ne sais quois. [ A beat. ] You know my descriptions of each one are gonna make it so much easier to differentiate between what's doing what.
[ Another beat, and Tony kind of sheepishly tacks on: ] Besides, I was dumb enough to bare-handed grab the thing and lived to tell the tale, so how much worse could you Bite-ing me be? [ Plus, this is no longer in the running for Top 20 Worst Things Clint Has Ever Done to Him at this point. But Tony is going to pointedly not point that out. ]
You have a heart condition, Tony. [Gosh, did someone ELSE ALSO remind him of this earlier???] I don't know that you should be getting tased at all. You know how guilty I'm gonna feel if I shock you and you bite it right here on the Avengers-sanctioned floor?
[Not that he's not gonna put on the fucking wristband thing with the fucking electroshock Bites.] How about I just punch you in the arm a couple times.
Look, if I die, I wake up tomorrow morning after a nice nap. [ A beat. Not the right tactic and he knows it. ] Mmmore importantly, we have a doctor upstairs in the creepy tower. [ Tony points at the ceiling of the blacksmith, but he's really pointing through it to where Strange's new office is, in an attempt to backpedal. ] And, I'll have you know, it takes 'bout... Half hour for a heart attack to cause permanent damage. You'd have time to save me if you didn't sit there feeling guilty.
[ Tony doesn't bother to hide the 'hah, told you so' smirk on his face as he sees Clint slip the wristband on. ] How about you quit bitchin' and start testin'?
Gonna remind you that I don't want to kill you even if it's temporary. Even if you're a fucking asshole sometimes.
[Did he ever get that window fixed? Maybe Tony should come find out--
No, shit, fine, god, okay. Quit bitching and start testing. There is literally a doctor in the house, so if something goes wrong physically or magically, he should be just a shout away. It's fine. It'll be fine.
Ow, fuck! [ Tony hisses, more out of reflex than actual pain, though a memory that isn't his plays out in his mind's eye: A shard of glass is dragged down his arm, just barely cutting him before he does it again, digging it in deeper... He clears his throat a second later. ] Mm. [ He contemplates. ] Fruity, effervescent, a bit sticky; like drinking juice from an unripe mango mixed with seltzer and rum... [ Truly Tony, what the fuck is wrong with you? ]
Think we can do better than that. [ He beckons Clint closer with his fingers while pulling the next brightest crystal over to him with his tongs. Normally, Tony would be grabbing at that wrist-mounted taser to immediately start dissembling and speed the process up, but- As his eyes brush over Clint's wrist, he decides against it, hand hovering in midair, paused on its way over. ]
Hey Tony? [Hey my GUY:] What the fuck. [that's what i'm SAYING-
But whatever helps him mentally categorize crystal zaps. He holds out his wrist and...waits...except that. Hm. Except that Tony does not seem to be interested, currently, in doing the thing.]
...You need me to pop the old one out so you can pop the new one in? [Is that?? it??]
[ A beat where Tony freezes. And then he snaps out of it, snapping his fingers and stepping closer like he's totally comfortable with this. ] Yes. Yeah, that'd be great.
[Or. Rather. If he needs Clint to not be here, he'll...go. He'll still fuss with the weapon, popping the crystal out of place and depositing the crystal as best as he can without directly touching it. (Look, it might still have a charge, and he doesn't think he's immune to a shock even if it originated from himself. No thanks! No thank you.)]
Tony sighs a moment later, a slight scowl on his face. ] Exposure therapy. [ A beat. ] The sooner I stop avoiding you, the sooner we get to put that shit behind us. Had to do it for the- [ Hole. He cuts himself off before he says it, not exactly wanting to compare Clint to... That. ] Had to do it before. [ Comes Tony's correction. Followed by a brief smile that someone could blink and miss.
He deposits the next crystal in the weapon, it slides in nice and easy like a syringe going into his arm and Tony wastes no time shutting the weapon back up for round two. He claps Clint on the shoulder with only a stutter of hesitation. ] You're up.
Didn't even know you were avoiding me. [Which he supposes is part of the point. Though he's not exactly a fan of exposure therapy involving being around him. Yeah, that version of him was really, deeply fucked up. Does that really make him scary?]
I get that you're the king of Not Talking About It. And in this case, I'm good with that. I just...don't want something neither of us actually did to fuck things up here. We do that enough ourselves.
Oooh, shit! [ Tony says as he's hit. Yeah, that's... Stronger. Owie. He takes a couple seconds to catch his breath. ] That's... WC Fields extinguishing a cigar on my tongue. Not terribly dissimilar from the feeling of shrapnel. [ To rate this particular crystal, first, while he comes up with the right answer to the rest of the... The Rest. ]
Wasn't avoiding you, really. Just... Busy. [ A beat. ] Wasn't exactly the worst time to get busy, though. [ Another beat, Tony lets out the breath he wasn't aware he was holding. ] Anyway, no one's fucking anything up. You forgave me for the months of really awful Narsicko [ Thank you, Till. ] jokes.
So alternate me can forgive alternate you for wasting his booze. [ He says with an easy smirk, like that was the biggest sin. ]
[Mmmmmm forgave feels like a strong word, but, he does know that Tony wouldn't have been that kind of dick to him if he had actually realized what had actually happened. So it's also not an incorrect word.
Don't mind Clint looking particularly unimpressed. Clearly that's his default state.] The fact that shit got fixed like a day later didn't make alt me very happy. God forbid people experience starvation in the torture laboratory, I guess.
[But, y'know, more to the point:] I hope you're gonna write down these ratings in a way that other people can actually understand at some point. Feeling of shrapnel at least is... [Not, uh, not universal, but a lot more people are gonna understand it. He starts the process of carefully ejecting that crystal out to let Tony load the next one up.] Makes more sense to people generally.
Gonna convert it to numbers, don't worry. [ He reaches for the brightest one, the yellowish citrine point and pops it into place, faux-casually letting his fingers brush against Clint's hand as he takes a step back to get shot again. ] Last one was a 4. [ Tony explains. ] First one we tried was like a... 2-point-5? A pinch is point-5, the Bites are normally like a... Seven? [ He shrugs a shoulder. ]
I owe you a shitty decaf coffee one-a these days. For old time's sake.
We gotta get these bad boys up to at least a six if not a seven. You glutton for punishment.
[We are NOT. talking about shit-ass decaf coffee though. Clint decides you know what, maybe that's enough talking about it for now. Tony's even improving as they talk. Look at him, touching, even! They'll get over this hump.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
brandingproblem) wrote2025-03-24 12:12 pm
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[Is that how deep the fear runs? So powerful that Tony as he is right now has to fight it?]
If you told me a woman you wasn't hot, I'd know something was wrong with the universe. es. Universes. Was that one fun? God, I hope it was fun.
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Tony grabs for the bottle again, forcing the tension out of his shoulders with a few steadying breaths and some shoulder rolls. ] Well, okay... More fun except for that brief period in the early 2000s when I was married. [ Wait for it. ] To Justin. [ Here it comes. ] Hammer.
[ He bursts out laughing a moment later. Ridiculous, and stupid, and why the fuck had she listened to Obadiah on having their companies 'show solidarity in these war torn times' will remain a mystery to him for the rest of his life. (Or would remain a mystery, if he wasn't painfully aware of the fact that when Obie said jump, he and she alike used to ask 'How high?')
As he lets out one last scoff, he feels more... Normal. Sort of. ] Honestly, and I hate to make this joke, I do. But somehow? Worse in bed than you. [ Hammer he means. Tony shrugs. ] Other you. Can't really judge you-you.
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Ouch, that's awful. Tell me she dumped his ass? Tell me she was smart enough to realize she deserved better. [He plucks up one of the crystal batteries, holding it up to the light.] At least those Avengers had another woman on the team. Can't just say the girl one and everyone know who you're talking about.
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[ The crystal is a milky white, a slight twinkling glow moving within it like a lava lamp. ] Pretty, innit? [ Tony grabs a screwdriver and finishes tightening a few things on one of the adaptors he fashioned to hook the crystal up to the Widow Bites' power source. ] It's small, which means it's not gonna hold a charge for that long, but- [ He picks a bowl of salt water up off the floor and puts it on his workbench with a thunk. Then, he grabs the crystals, and drops them in the water. ] This allegedly helps? [ He gestures for Clint to hand over the crystal he's looking at. ]
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You talk to your boyfriend about all this? I have to assume he had a hand in it, given you're not the magic guy. Even-- [He almost says William, but, they had that conversation, so...] Billy probably could help a good deal. He's got a natural aptitude for this stuff. The [spooky finger wiggle] magic stuff.
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He mixes the water around with his index finger, swirling his finger clockwise 9 times. ]
Alright, so what we're gonna do, is you're gonna take these different crystals and charge 'em all with your zappy bullshit and I'll see which one likes the electric [ Spooky finger waggle. ] energy the best. Easy enough?
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But this! Is more important! Because it's for Natasha, and also it's Tony reaching out in spite of himself. He reaches for a crystal, but then hesitates before he touches the water.] Is there anything else you have to do to them first, or can I start? I don't know if there's any good way for me to...regulate this, so hopefully I don't explode any of them.
[But when he's given the go ahead, he holds each in his right hand, pinched between fingers, and gives them a zap of lightning. It's hardly godly. It's just...like, taser fingers, man. But it's an experiment, so he'll zap away. His arm starts to get a little warm under the sleeves, feeling the lines of Thor's tattoo specifically down his arm. Nothing to worry about!!!]
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Stephen's assured me none of them explode. [ He reassures before he leans closer to the bowl to watch. The submerged crystals all begin to glow faintly yellow, sparks dancing on their surfaces, as Clint charges them.
Tony stares for a moment before he glances up and then glances right back at the bowl. ] Holy shit, is this... Actually working? [ He doesn't mean to sound so, heh, shocked - he's just kind of impressed with himself that he's figured out how to do magical engineering. ]
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And the real magic is that Clint's tat magic seems to actually be doing something useful here. He can see the effects. Wonders about overcharge, discharge, how much of a zap the bites are really going to be able to deliver, but it's something better than nothing, and Tony is impressed.
And fuck, he should be impressed. Magitech is nothing to sneeze at in terms of engineering prowess. At least in their universe. On their Earth.] Think you're outdoing yourself this time, old man. Pretty soon you'll be outforgeing the forgemaster and making magic swords and magic armor.
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Hands on his hips as he looks at the bowl suspiciously, Tony's eyes flick around the room for- ] A-hah... [ He grabs a pair of tongs, instead, to extract the crystals from their bath. He lines them up on his workbench, from the faintest glow (a piece of tourmalinated quartz) to brightest (a citrine point) before he grabs his crystal-to-normal-battery adapters and pops the second faintest crystal (an amethyst) in using his tongs to manipulate it and install it in Natasha's left Bite, which he promptly puts on the bench and passes over to Clint. ] Here. [ A beat. ] Your aim's better. [ He explains. ] Hit me and I'll tell you how bad this hurts.
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But at the request, he stares down at the Bite, face screwing up a little, and back up at Tony. Even if it's just a taser, that is a hell of a request to be making of him. Given the issues they aren't talking about.] I could also hit myself and tell you how bad it hurts.
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[ Another beat, and Tony kind of sheepishly tacks on: ] Besides, I was dumb enough to bare-handed grab the thing and lived to tell the tale, so how much worse could you Bite-ing me be? [ Plus, this is no longer in the running for Top 20 Worst Things Clint Has Ever Done to Him at this point. But Tony is going to pointedly not point that out. ]
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[Not that he's not gonna put on the fucking wristband thing with the fucking electroshock Bites.] How about I just punch you in the arm a couple times.
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[ Tony doesn't bother to hide the 'hah, told you so' smirk on his face as he sees Clint slip the wristband on. ] How about you quit bitchin' and start testin'?
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[Did he ever get that window fixed? Maybe Tony should come find out--
No, shit, fine, god, okay. Quit bitching and start testing. There is literally a doctor in the house, so if something goes wrong physically or magically, he should be just a shout away. It's fine. It'll be fine.
He still aims for the arm, though. Zap!]
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Think we can do better than that. [ He beckons Clint closer with his fingers while pulling the next brightest crystal over to him with his tongs. Normally, Tony would be grabbing at that wrist-mounted taser to immediately start dissembling and speed the process up, but- As his eyes brush over Clint's wrist, he decides against it, hand hovering in midair, paused on its way over. ]
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But whatever helps him mentally categorize crystal zaps. He holds out his wrist and...waits...except that. Hm. Except that Tony does not seem to be interested, currently, in doing the thing.]
...You need me to pop the old one out so you can pop the new one in? [Is that?? it??]
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[ This is fine. ]
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[Or. Rather. If he needs Clint to not be here, he'll...go. He'll still fuss with the weapon, popping the crystal out of place and depositing the crystal as best as he can without directly touching it. (Look, it might still have a charge, and he doesn't think he's immune to a shock even if it originated from himself. No thanks! No thank you.)]
We could get your boyfriend to do the tests.
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Tony sighs a moment later, a slight scowl on his face. ] Exposure therapy. [ A beat. ] The sooner I stop avoiding you, the sooner we get to put that shit behind us. Had to do it for the- [ Hole. He cuts himself off before he says it, not exactly wanting to compare Clint to... That. ] Had to do it before. [ Comes Tony's correction. Followed by a brief smile that someone could blink and miss.
He deposits the next crystal in the weapon, it slides in nice and easy
like a syringe going into his armand Tony wastes no time shutting the weapon back up for round two. He claps Clint on the shoulder with only a stutter of hesitation. ] You're up.no subject
I get that you're the king of Not Talking About It. And in this case, I'm good with that. I just...don't want something neither of us actually did to fuck things up here. We do that enough ourselves.
[Also zap, asshole.]
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Wasn't avoiding you, really. Just... Busy. [ A beat. ] Wasn't exactly the worst time to get busy, though. [ Another beat, Tony lets out the breath he wasn't aware he was holding. ] Anyway, no one's fucking anything up. You forgave me for the months of really awful Narsicko [ Thank you, Till. ] jokes.
So alternate me can forgive alternate you for wasting his booze. [ He says with an easy smirk, like that was the biggest sin. ]
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Don't mind Clint looking particularly unimpressed. Clearly that's his default state.] The fact that shit got fixed like a day later didn't make alt me very happy. God forbid people experience starvation in the torture laboratory, I guess.
[But, y'know, more to the point:] I hope you're gonna write down these ratings in a way that other people can actually understand at some point. Feeling of shrapnel at least is... [Not, uh, not universal, but a lot more people are gonna understand it. He starts the process of carefully ejecting that crystal out to let Tony load the next one up.] Makes more sense to people generally.
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I owe you a shitty decaf coffee one-a these days. For old time's sake.
Anyway, shoot me.
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[We are NOT. talking about shit-ass decaf coffee though. Clint decides you know what, maybe that's enough talking about it for now. Tony's even improving as they talk. Look at him, touching, even! They'll get over this hump.
Get zapped, asshole.]