brandingproblem | open post

"That I find you attractive even when eating pizza means there's no coming back for me," he says with an overly dramatic sigh.

It's also probably the truth. Phil is happy sitting here eating pizza with his boyfriend even though they are both damaged goods.

"And it means I am just that hot, which is a compliment I'll always take." He's not quite up for preening, but just imagine it.

It's close to the Clint Barton he knows but not quite the same. Almost. It's a good sign though. Phil can feel himself relax. A little bit of himself settles knowing that Barton will be okay.

It'll just take time.

"Don't let it go to your head."

It's easy to talk. It's easy for the words to come out of his mouth and for things to feel most of the way normal when he's able to push the rest of it back. There's going to be a blow up, or several blowups, probably, down the line. And he's already trying to prepare for how nasty they're likely to be.

There's also the factor of touch, and...well, he doesn't really want to talk about that.

"Too late. You're gonna give me an overinflated ego just like Stark. Then I'll really be insufferable."

Maybe when Phil's feeling better they can fight. He's just too grateful to have Clint around right now to be that upset by the strangeness around them. The longer it goes the harder it will be to ignore. To pretend things are fine when they're not.

They've known each other long enough to tell when things aren't right.

"If you start behaving like Stark, I will divorce you."

"Joke's on you, we're not even married. Looks like you'll just have to break up with me instead, cease the courting, wound the wooing." He sucks some sauce and grease from his fingers. "What if I started acting like Rogers? God, I can't believe I missed seeing the first time you ever met him out of the ice; I bet you were an embarrassing fanboy."

Phil blushes and he really wishes he could stop himself. God, he fumbled that first meeting so badly. His life long hero and he sounded like some sort of deranged stalker.

"I have to face him again at some point," he says, almost shrinking in on himself. He doesn't do that often. Phil's faced the full fury of Fury and not flinched but he can't imagine his second meeting with Captain Rogers will go better.

"Maybe I should've stayed dead."

"Ouch, it was that bad?" While Phil shrinks, Clint takes advantage and leans across the table. "Did you get him to sign your cards? Those things are already worth big bucks, but actually signed by the man himself would make them priceless. Did he flex for you? Did you get to feel up a patriotic bicep? Did you simply faint dead away at his sparkling eyes?"

"I said something along the lines of I watch you while you slept." Phil will let Clint run with this. He'll take the embarrassment. It's not like Clint doesn't already know about his obsession and hero worship.

"Well, they would be priceless except Fury used the bloodstained cards to get Stark and Captain Rogers to bring the team together. They're worthless now." Which Phil is pissed about. He spent a long time getting those cards together.

"Phil." Clint covers his mouth to stifle the laughter. It doesn't do much to help. "You've talked to famous people and absolute badasses without blinking, but the second someone you actually admire shows up, you lose composure? Babe. That's adorable, you fucking nerd."

It's worth the embarrassment to hear Clint laugh and call him babe again. Any sort of pet name is incredible rare between them. Outside of teasingly calling each other "agent" and "sir" they don't really do pet names.

He smiles, soft and loving. A little something in him settles back to center. "I know the junior agents like to joke about me being an LMD but I am actually human and can make an ass out of myself."

"Well, now that I'm on first name basis with Captain America, I'll have to invite him over." Is that grin devious? That might be a little devious. "Have him autograph some things for you. Stay for dinner. See what his 40's sensibilities think about a threesome."

"You would... absolutely ask him that just to see what he would do." Phil groans and rubs both hands over his face. It gives him a moment to grin into his palms. Why does he love this man so much? Clearly, Phil's an idiot.

He has control of his expressions when he pulls his hands away. "You do not have to work to embarrass me in front of Captain Rogers. I'm good at doing it myself."

"Oh, that's fine, I'll just work real hard to embarrass myself, that way he can see what a mess some of his team is. Pretty sure he mostly knows me as the angry archer with mind control issues is all. Miss Romanoff's friend and ally. He should get to know the shitshow underneath that."

"If he can't see your value, he shouldn't lead the team." Phil means every word of that.

For all he idolizes and tries to live up to Captain America, if the man can't see Clint for the talented agent he is then he shouldn't lead the Avengers. It's more about how Clint sees himself, Phil knows, but he should hear it.

Phil's always in Clint's corner.

Clint rolls his eyes. "Oh, he read my skills like a book. He really should have a better idea of what he's working with though." And that includes the negative. And sometimes the negative is just 'Stark's a stuck up know it all' or 'Nat has trust issues', and sometimes the negative is worse. "He leads the team far as anyone's concerned."

"Of course, but no one should question your place among the Avengers. Even you." Phil nudges his foot against Clint's to make his point. "You belong there with them."

The Avengers were handpicked by him and Fury. He pressed for Clint and Natasha even though Fury argued they were better solo than with a team. Their skills, though, balanced against the others.

"The only other place you belong is with me."

Clint leans back again, amusement rapidly vanishing under a look more locked down. "Yeah, well." That doesn't seem to go anywhere for a few long moments. "My place among a lot of things has gotten enough questioning lately."

He feels the anger rise in his chest. Not towards Clint but for what Loki did. His mind control ruined years of work and trust. In an agency like SHIELD it would take time for that to come back. Clint's almost starting his career over.

Phil will always be in his corner. He will always have his back. "You have me. No matter what."

"That's a nice promise. I know it's really tempting to believe it, too." It isn't that he doesn't believe it, necessarily, but it's that idea of no matter what that feels like tempting fate. Because there's likely a few scenarios in which that doesn't hold true.

"Sorry, that's, um." He rubs his face. "Maudlin."

"A little," Phil agrees with a small nod. "But after what you've been through maudlin is to be expected. Whether you believe it or not, it is true."

They've been through hell together as agents and friends. This might be the rockiest their romantic relationship has ever been but Phil still believes in Clint, still cares for him, and frankly, still adores him.

That won't change even if Clint doesn't feel like it's true.

"Can we not talk about what I've been through when you're the one on the mend?" Or not talk about it at all ever. That might be the ideal. "You're the one with every right to be miserable."

"This isn't the first time I've been stabbed." Phil sits back in his chair and studies Clint. He doesn't want to talk about it but he's also willing to push Clint a little bit. "Getting shot is worse. Or tortured. I'm glad to be alive."

"You went through a hell of a lot worse." Because Loki didn't really use physical force or threats. Phil's read the reports. The man twisted Clint's heart and turned it against his friends and fellow agents. It's insidious.

"You died on the table, Phil. You're lucky to be alive. If that son of a bitch had hit his mark, you would've bled out in minutes at most. You're allowed to be upset and mad and sad and whatever else, even to me. Especially to me."

So, Clint's read the medical reports. Or the SHIELD rumor mill is still going full force. "It was only eight seconds. I'm sure someone's exaggerated the number but it wasn't that long."

He lets out a heavy breath. He's dismissing Clint's concerns and deflecting like Clint's doing to his. Aren't they a pair? "Every time we go into the field we could die. I've gotten comfortable with that knowledge. I came close. For a time I was gone but the man responsible is beyond our justice. I need to do what I can to fix what he tried to destroy. The best justice is to keep going and show that bastard he didn't win."

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