[Oh wow. Now that's a professional blanket fort job. Lila would go nuts for something like this even now. El's fashion sense hasn't gotten any better, but at least she's looking a little more her age. Could use a brush out of her hair, but he doesn't want to disrupt the flowers carefully placed in it. And everything smells like waffles.
Just, like, waffles of varying states of doneness. And, ah, yeah, okay, that'll explain it. It's a pile of waffles in varying states of doneness. Some of them look...questionable, but others look perfectly edible. And if nothing else, eat around the ? bits to get at the good stuff.
The fort is cozy, and the fact that he fits inside it as well as he does means yeah, definitely an adult helped them with the design. The metal makes him think Tony. Would Tony bother helping make a frame for--yeah, actually, probably, with a lot of bottom lip wibbling and emotional guilt-tripping. He already made a wafflemaker.
So Clint takes the fort, signs his thanks, and starts from the precarious top lest the whole thing fall over before he's got a chance to dig in.]
[ Close - the construction was all Erik, bending metal to his will like it was nothing. Tony, however, is about to get a request to build El a sensory deprivation tank.
Because that's a normal thing for a 13 year old girl to want. Don't worry about it.
Whoever allowed Tony Stark to bond with and talk to a girl who has the power level and mental bandwidth of a tactical nuke should feel really bad, actually.
Eleven digs in to the tower, too. Unlike Clint, she does not eat around the bad parts. She just shoves large chunks of everything into her mouth like a feral little gremlin. Her eyes keep drifting to his hand. Huh. She imitates the gesture how he taught her. She thinks of Alicia, who can talk, but her throat is badly burnt so it hurts to do so. Quiet and sad and beautiful when she put flowers in Eleven's hair because Eleven bartered a visit to the blanket fort for flowers in her hair, and thus made a new friend. ]
I have a new friend. Alicia. [ She doesn't pronounce it the American way - but Ah-lee-see-yah. ] Talking hurts her. [ She keeps pondering for a moment. ] If she wants to. Would you teach? Her and me. Us. So we can talk. No voice. No pain.
[Eleven is not a normal girl with normal sensibilities. He hasn't said a single word, and that doesn't seem to bother her, doesn't ask about it. But she does notice the sign, and she clearly remembers when he had tried some out while speaking at the same time, just as practice for a skill that was already starting to get rusty without everyday use.
And then she asks after it but in a very different context, and it warms his heart. That she would like to teach someone who has trouble speaking, so it doesn't hurt.
He chews waffle thoughtfully. It's kinda gummy inside, not fully done, but serviceable enough. One of the better parts of this, he figures, is being able to talk with your mouth full. His hands start to move, and every word is understood in spite of a lack of knowledge back home. Maybe some fairy magic is alright.]
I'm still a student. I'm still learning. I'm not very good at it yet. [Some of his movements have evened out from this daily use as of late, but he's hardly what he would call fluent.] I can teach what I know.
[ There are many things Eleven doesn't know. Asking for care, for company, is one of those things. She's used to an environment in which she'd had to keep her head down, and after that her existence has mostly been one of hiding and waiting for people to come to her. She's not quite figured out how to approach people and just get care, connection, company.
But she knows, from Papa, how transitional connections work. She wants to see Clint, so she offers food in the hopes he will join her. She wants flowers in her hair, so she offers time in the blanket fort in trade. Alicia has pain, Eleven sees a way to help, and tries to reach for it. She wants to learn, but does not ask for herself. She wants a friend, and tries to find reasons for Alicia to want to be her friend.
Because if 12 years in the lab have taught her anything it's that affection is tied to her use, and she's still struggling with unlearning that. Still thinks she needs to save her friends to have worth. Still thinks she needs to be a hero in order not to be seen as a monster.
Eleven shoves a big forkful of half-burnt waffles into her mouth, chewing as she watches Clint's hands move. She nods, accepting that. For a moment, she's quiet, then: ]
Words are hard.
[ When she's anxious, her speech patterns get progressively worse. She struggles with grammar and pronunciation so much more than she should at her age. She looks at Clint. Repeats the sign for 'thank you' again. ]
[Fully agreed. He hasn't regained the ability to use his voice ever since he died-but-not, and he's appreciating the idea of being better understood and being able to express words and thoughts and feelings and concepts all the more for it.
He motions to his ear, where his hearing aid is.] Hard to hear sometimes. Reading mouths is- [And what he wants to say is that it's a myth, but he has to work with a simpler, more reduced vocabulary. 'Lipreading is bullshit' doesn't fly very well here.] -a lie. It's really really hard. Sign is like reading. [Easier. If you know how to read it. Which, well, given the magic here, the reading isn't the hard part.
He motions then to his throat.] I got hurt in the water. I can't talk now.
[ Her face falls a bit. A lot of people got hurt in the water. She'd.... not had a good time there, but her hurt was just panic. She can't swim, not that the faeries care, and being underwater reminds her of the tank from the lab.
And then the kraken...
So many people...
Many people Eleven cares about. Her face twists up for a moment. She'd helped Laura get away, but other than that... Eleven feels like she failed at helping. After a moment, she blows out a breath. ]
You died. Erik, too. I didn't save people. Not a good Avenger.
[There's only so much of that kind of reaction he can take from Steve, a full adult who puts too much on his shoulders. Futaba expresses it, too--the idea if she were better, could do more, then surely she would have saved her friend. And now, from someone even younger?
His mouth says hey, though it only comes out as a huff of air. Because his hands reach around the waffle mass to take her hands gently. Securely. To try and impress upon her his own seriousness when it comes to the blame game. His hands can't stay there, in order to talk to her, so they reluctantly pull away.]
You can't help everyone. Focus on what you can do. My friend is strong; he couldn't help. He feels bad. It wasn't his fault. [And sure, maybe there are some who can take on the whole of what happened, but they are few and far between.] Were you scared?
[ Her face twists up a bit. Not quite crying, though emotions visibly wells in her. There's a mix of everything - from grief to guilt to anger to fear - and to Eleven, it's all just one big, giant ball. She's never been taught how to regulate herself like a normal child. Papa encouraged volatile reactions and soft obedience; anything else was not useful for the kind of weapon he wanted to create. And Hopper has a tendency to get loud and explosive himself when his emotions get too big.
The truth is, it takes everything not to just throw herself into a temper tantrum, a screaming match with her own frustrations that could wreck half the castle and then some.
Instead, after a moment, she blows out a harsh breath. ]
Yes. Water. Big monster. Bigger than the Demogorgon.
[ Upset makes her sentences shorter, more choppy. Her lips pull into something almost pouting, decidedly petulant. ]
Your friend. I'm stronger.
[ Does she know which friend he means? No. Is is true? She certainly thinks so. Does it matter? Absolutely not. She says it more because she wants to push back on something Clint says, but doesn't want to push on the things that he says that are kind and bring her comfort. In a way, even if she doesn't quite know it, being a little brat about something utterly not the point helps the roll of emotions not crash down over her. ]
[Upset makes the words harder. He gets it. Water and a big monster. She's still just a little girl with a lot of fucked up experiences under her belt. It's normal. She should be scared. And it's normal to see that fear as a weakness.
She at least tries to get through the tumult. Tries not to break down entirely, even if it means going around the issue to focus on something different. It isn't the point, but he's going to allow it for the moment, huff out some air in a laugh.]
I'd like to see the two of you fight. [Maybe not fight. Should he try to rephrase that? Mm, not a big deal, he thinks. The intention might come across just fine.
He makes a point of stabbing another waffle and holding it out to her. See? There's waffles. So things can't be the worst ever.]
[ it works, and it helps. The slight refocus within the bubble of conversation, his calm. The waffles, too. The smile she gives him is small, but deeply earnest. Takes the offered waffle, too, because she will never not want to stuff her face, honestly.
Mouth half-full and cheeks puffed out, she eventually says: ]
I'm not... scared of much. Water. [ She thinks, then amends: ] Under the water. Small, dark room. Papa.
[ Monsters not so much - they are scary, but don't inherently scare her. But she's not sure how to explain that. Some more chewing, then: ]
I fought Thor. [ Eleven seems very proud of that. ] But. He scared me. Electric hammer. I can fight your friend. I'll be careful to not hurt him.
[Water. Being in water, or not knowing how to swim? She can be taught to swim, that one's not a problem. He could argue a blanket fort is potentially a small, dark room, except that it isn't dark when lit up from the inside.
He gives another laugh, though, at the idea of Thor scaring a kid. Thor? Sorry, Thor, scaring the psychic child.] Thor is a teddy bear. Big hugs. Very funny. [But maybe having a lightning hammer used against you can be scary. Sparring with Thor was never an easy time.] Steve is very strong. He has a- [...Hmmmm.] -s-h-i-e-l-d to help him too.
[ She worries her lip for a moment, not sure if she should tell him. But she likes Clint. And Clint likes the Avengers. ]
We... fought. Because he said I'm not stronger than him. I kept him from flying.
[ She holds up her hand, palm out the way he's seen her use her power - she used them to ground Thor. It was a strain, and she wouldn't have been able to do it indefinitely - but for a moment there, she'd kept him from moving at all, even if it was hard. ]
He called... lightning. I'm not scared. But... the hammer. He moved to me, and the hammer made sparks.
[ Her eyes skitter away for a moment. Then she looks up at Clint, lowers her voice like she's telling a secret. ]
The lab. Collars with sparks, sometimes. The guards have. Sticks with sparks.
[ She makes her index and middle finger stiff, leans over and pokes them lightly against Clint's ribs. Like a cattle prod. ]
So. I got scared. Thor was kind, then. He hugged me. Until I wasn't scared anymore.
[Ah. Yes. A child experiment who had to go through shock collars and cattle prods might have a few hesitations regarding a lightning hammer and oh that's his vision going absolutely red for a moment.
Clint scoots closer in beside her and throws an arm around her. Thor would be kind to a scared child once he knew the sparring wasn't enjoyable. He would. Thor's good people, and Clint is not going to just let this go without giving her a hug, too.
It makes him so furious he's surprised he doesn't spontaneously magically have the ability to spit fire.] That shouldn't happen. [The shocks. To kids.] I'm sorry.
[ She's a little stiff at first when his arm comes up around her. But just for a heartbeat or two. Then she scoots close, leans in. Tucks herself against his side like she was meant to fit there, like all children do with people who are parents at heart. ]
It's okay. I'm out.
[ Not free - neither at home nor here. But... out of the lab. ]
I can grow my hair. I have friends. I learn.
[ And she wraps her arms around him - as if she's the one offering comfort to Clint now, not the other way around. It's okay, she says, and hugs him tight. ]
[It's not okay. Nothing about any of the situation is anywhere close to okay.
But she's somewhere better than she was. So that's something. It's not okay, but it's better. And that's a good place to start. She mentions her hair, and he'd like to offer to brush it, but there are flowers tucked in it, placed with care. By a friend. Okay. He can take a breath and squeeze her tight.
[ She squeezes back. Eleven is getting better at that, especially with the people she cares about. After a moment she pulls back. Puts her hand on Clint's cheeks. Her expression is a little sad, a little apologetic, and very fond. ]
I make you sad.
[ She pulls back further, not to get away, just give him room to sign and so that she can actually see his hands. ]
[She is bright and beautiful and wonderful and makes him both confused and happy, makes him alarmed and tired in a way that's familiar when dealing with kids.]
[ There's something she's learned. From Joyce, from Hopper, from Erik, from Clint. Eleven slightly pushes up on her knees to gain a little more height, and then she gives Clint a kiss on the forehead.
It's what adults she trusts do to her for comfort and affection. So it's what she does to Clint now. ]
Kali escaped. She was 008. Older than me. Didn't grow up in the lab. The last few years, it was just... me.
[Oh no. Oh no, that's adorable. She's mimicking, she's had it done to her in times of distress, so she's doing it to adults. He can't even say it's not appropriate, just...it's odd and cute and funny. And sad. That she feels the need to take care of people around her.]
Did she already have a name before she was 008? [Since she didn't grow up in the lab. Kidnapped off the street and experimented on?]
[ Eleven nods while settling back down. Her face isn't quite as childlike as one would hope now - a little more somber and a little more serious, just like when they originally met, when she was wearing the clothes. ]
Yes. Kali Prasad. I saw... a newspaper. In Hopper's files. 'Vanished - Indian Girl Missing in London'. [ She quotes the headline, mispronouncing it like Indy Anne and Lonn Donn. ] Last seen July 12. 1969. [ She says Nineteen-Six-Nine. ] She was... 5.
[ She'd taken that newspaper clipping when she ran away from Hawkins, and read it over and over again. ]
[He won't correct the pronunciation. Mostly because he literally can't. That's not the big deal. The big deal is someone was already tracking down missing kids from around the world and that missing kids from around the world were part of one big conspiracy with a lab that hopefully burned to the ground.]
[ Eleven pauses, as if she never stopped to think about it. In many ways, she hasn't. She didn't even know to question her life until very recently - or at least, that's what she thinks. There is more context, buried deep down in repressed memories she has no idea how to reach for. So for now, a small shrug. ]
I was meant to spy. And I was supposed to learn... remote assassination. [ The official reason for everything Hawkins Lab did before she found the monster. That Papa had motives related to the Upside Down long before she became aware of its existence... well. That's beyond her understanding. At any rate... ] I don't... remember the others. The children. Just... doors. Empty rooms. Something... happened. In the Rainbow Room. I don't remember.
[ She fidgets. ]
Kali has. Different powers. She puts images in your head. They're... not real.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
brandingproblem) wrote2025-03-24 12:12 pm
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Just, like, waffles of varying states of doneness. And, ah, yeah, okay, that'll explain it. It's a pile of waffles in varying states of doneness. Some of them look...questionable, but others look perfectly edible. And if nothing else, eat around the ? bits to get at the good stuff.
The fort is cozy, and the fact that he fits inside it as well as he does means yeah, definitely an adult helped them with the design. The metal makes him think Tony. Would Tony bother helping make a frame for--yeah, actually, probably, with a lot of bottom lip wibbling and emotional guilt-tripping. He already made a wafflemaker.
So Clint takes the fort, signs his thanks, and starts from the precarious top lest the whole thing fall over before he's got a chance to dig in.]
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Because that's a normal thing for a 13 year old girl to want. Don't worry about it.
Whoever allowed Tony Stark to bond with and talk to a girl who has the power level and mental bandwidth of a tactical nuke should feel really bad, actually.
Eleven digs in to the tower, too. Unlike Clint, she does not eat around the bad parts. She just shoves large chunks of everything into her mouth like a feral little gremlin. Her eyes keep drifting to his hand. Huh. She imitates the gesture how he taught her. She thinks of Alicia, who can talk, but her throat is badly burnt so it hurts to do so. Quiet and sad and beautiful when she put flowers in Eleven's hair because Eleven bartered a visit to the blanket fort for flowers in her hair, and thus made a new friend. ]
I have a new friend. Alicia. [ She doesn't pronounce it the American way - but Ah-lee-see-yah. ] Talking hurts her. [ She keeps pondering for a moment. ] If she wants to. Would you teach? Her and me. Us. So we can talk. No voice. No pain.
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And then she asks after it but in a very different context, and it warms his heart. That she would like to teach someone who has trouble speaking, so it doesn't hurt.
He chews waffle thoughtfully. It's kinda gummy inside, not fully done, but serviceable enough. One of the better parts of this, he figures, is being able to talk with your mouth full. His hands start to move, and every word is understood in spite of a lack of knowledge back home. Maybe some fairy magic is alright.]
I'm still a student. I'm still learning. I'm not very good at it yet. [Some of his movements have evened out from this daily use as of late, but he's hardly what he would call fluent.] I can teach what I know.
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But she knows, from Papa, how transitional connections work. She wants to see Clint, so she offers food in the hopes he will join her. She wants flowers in her hair, so she offers time in the blanket fort in trade. Alicia has pain, Eleven sees a way to help, and tries to reach for it. She wants to learn, but does not ask for herself. She wants a friend, and tries to find reasons for Alicia to want to be her friend.
Because if 12 years in the lab have taught her anything it's that affection is tied to her use, and she's still struggling with unlearning that. Still thinks she needs to save her friends to have worth. Still thinks she needs to be a hero in order not to be seen as a monster.
Eleven shoves a big forkful of half-burnt waffles into her mouth, chewing as she watches Clint's hands move. She nods, accepting that. For a moment, she's quiet, then: ]
Words are hard.
[ When she's anxious, her speech patterns get progressively worse. She struggles with grammar and pronunciation so much more than she should at her age. She looks at Clint. Repeats the sign for 'thank you' again. ]
I like this. To talk.
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[Fully agreed. He hasn't regained the ability to use his voice ever since he died-but-not, and he's appreciating the idea of being better understood and being able to express words and thoughts and feelings and concepts all the more for it.
He motions to his ear, where his hearing aid is.] Hard to hear sometimes. Reading mouths is- [And what he wants to say is that it's a myth, but he has to work with a simpler, more reduced vocabulary. 'Lipreading is bullshit' doesn't fly very well here.] -a lie. It's really really hard. Sign is like reading. [Easier. If you know how to read it. Which, well, given the magic here, the reading isn't the hard part.
He motions then to his throat.] I got hurt in the water. I can't talk now.
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And then the kraken...
So many people...
Many people Eleven cares about. Her face twists up for a moment. She'd helped Laura get away, but other than that... Eleven feels like she failed at helping. After a moment, she blows out a breath. ]
You died. Erik, too. I didn't save people. Not a good Avenger.
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His mouth says hey, though it only comes out as a huff of air. Because his hands reach around the waffle mass to take her hands gently. Securely. To try and impress upon her his own seriousness when it comes to the blame game. His hands can't stay there, in order to talk to her, so they reluctantly pull away.]
You can't help everyone. Focus on what you can do. My friend is strong; he couldn't help. He feels bad. It wasn't his fault. [And sure, maybe there are some who can take on the whole of what happened, but they are few and far between.] Were you scared?
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The truth is, it takes everything not to just throw herself into a temper tantrum, a screaming match with her own frustrations that could wreck half the castle and then some.
Instead, after a moment, she blows out a harsh breath. ]
Yes. Water. Big monster. Bigger than the Demogorgon.
[ Upset makes her sentences shorter, more choppy. Her lips pull into something almost pouting, decidedly petulant. ]
Your friend. I'm stronger.
[ Does she know which friend he means? No. Is is true? She certainly thinks so. Does it matter? Absolutely not. She says it more because she wants to push back on something Clint says, but doesn't want to push on the things that he says that are kind and bring her comfort. In a way, even if she doesn't quite know it, being a little brat about something utterly not the point helps the roll of emotions not crash down over her. ]
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She at least tries to get through the tumult. Tries not to break down entirely, even if it means going around the issue to focus on something different. It isn't the point, but he's going to allow it for the moment, huff out some air in a laugh.]
I'd like to see the two of you fight. [Maybe not fight. Should he try to rephrase that? Mm, not a big deal, he thinks. The intention might come across just fine.
He makes a point of stabbing another waffle and holding it out to her. See? There's waffles. So things can't be the worst ever.]
It's okay to be scared.
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Mouth half-full and cheeks puffed out, she eventually says: ]
I'm not... scared of much. Water. [ She thinks, then amends: ] Under the water. Small, dark room. Papa.
[ Monsters not so much - they are scary, but don't inherently scare her. But she's not sure how to explain that. Some more chewing, then: ]
I fought Thor. [ Eleven seems very proud of that. ] But. He scared me. Electric hammer. I can fight your friend. I'll be careful to not hurt him.
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He gives another laugh, though, at the idea of Thor scaring a kid. Thor? Sorry, Thor, scaring the psychic child.] Thor is a teddy bear. Big hugs. Very funny. [But maybe having a lightning hammer used against you can be scary. Sparring with Thor was never an easy time.] Steve is very strong. He has a- [...Hmmmm.] -s-h-i-e-l-d to help him too.
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We... fought. Because he said I'm not stronger than him. I kept him from flying.
[ She holds up her hand, palm out the way he's seen her use her power - she used them to ground Thor. It was a strain, and she wouldn't have been able to do it indefinitely - but for a moment there, she'd kept him from moving at all, even if it was hard. ]
He called... lightning. I'm not scared. But... the hammer. He moved to me, and the hammer made sparks.
[ Her eyes skitter away for a moment. Then she looks up at Clint, lowers her voice like she's telling a secret. ]
The lab. Collars with sparks, sometimes. The guards have. Sticks with sparks.
[ She makes her index and middle finger stiff, leans over and pokes them lightly against Clint's ribs. Like a cattle prod. ]
So. I got scared. Thor was kind, then. He hugged me. Until I wasn't scared anymore.
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Clint scoots closer in beside her and throws an arm around her. Thor would be kind to a scared child once he knew the sparring wasn't enjoyable. He would. Thor's good people, and Clint is not going to just let this go without giving her a hug, too.
It makes him so furious he's surprised he doesn't spontaneously magically have the ability to spit fire.] That shouldn't happen. [The shocks. To kids.] I'm sorry.
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It's okay. I'm out.
[ Not free - neither at home nor here. But... out of the lab. ]
I can grow my hair. I have friends. I learn.
[ And she wraps her arms around him - as if she's the one offering comfort to Clint now, not the other way around. It's okay, she says, and hugs him tight. ]
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But she's somewhere better than she was. So that's something. It's not okay, but it's better. And that's a good place to start. She mentions her hair, and he'd like to offer to brush it, but there are flowers tucked in it, placed with care. By a friend. Okay. He can take a breath and squeeze her tight.
They'll protect each other like a team.]
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I make you sad.
[ She pulls back further, not to get away, just give him room to sign and so that she can actually see his hands. ]
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[She is bright and beautiful and wonderful and makes him both confused and happy, makes him alarmed and tired in a way that's familiar when dealing with kids.]
It shouldn't happen to anyone.
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It's what adults she trusts do to her for comfort and affection. So it's what she does to Clint now. ]
Kali escaped. She was 008. Older than me. Didn't grow up in the lab. The last few years, it was just... me.
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Did she already have a name before she was 008? [Since she didn't grow up in the lab. Kidnapped off the street and experimented on?]
no subject
Yes. Kali Prasad. I saw... a newspaper. In Hopper's files. 'Vanished - Indian Girl Missing in London'. [ She quotes the headline, mispronouncing it like Indy Anne and Lonn Donn. ] Last seen July 12. 1969. [ She says Nineteen-Six-Nine. ] She was... 5.
[ She'd taken that newspaper clipping when she ran away from Hawkins, and read it over and over again. ]
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Why?
no subject
I was meant to spy. And I was supposed to learn... remote assassination. [ The official reason for everything Hawkins Lab did before she found the monster. That Papa had motives related to the Upside Down long before she became aware of its existence... well. That's beyond her understanding. At any rate... ] I don't... remember the others. The children. Just... doors. Empty rooms. Something... happened. In the Rainbow Room. I don't remember.
[ She fidgets. ]
Kali has. Different powers. She puts images in your head. They're... not real.