Going to move everything over there? At least you won't have to share.
[Is what he's going to say instead of anything else. It's fine. They aren't talking about anything. It's fine.
He makes it 25 minutes, for a little wiggle room. He won't be weird about anything if Tony isn't weird about anything (which means, ugh, it's going to get weird, isn't it), and he is just perfectly calm and relaxed and normal when he strides into Fort Asshole and the smithy so helpfully and conveniently built for them.]
Knock knock, I'm ready to try and pretend to be Thor.
[ Tony tries not to feel a bit insulted when he shows up at his new HQ at 21 minutes, 39 seconds with no company. Fine, it's fine. He did say to show up whenever.
He gets the door open and starts putting his armful of tools and materials and stuff-he'd-been-working-on with a few deep breaths, trying to keep his mind busy.
"Oh you're back to normal so we're knocking again?" is the joke that dies on Tony's tongue. ] Great. [ He says, trying not to sound stilted. ] I'll grab the- [ There's a vague hand gesture in the direction of a pile of rocks, some glowing crystals about the size of AA batteries that he fishes out of the pile among them.
He stares down at the floor slightly behind Clint after he turns around 'batteries' in hand. ] So. This is- I don't know what I'm doing, here, exactly. You know that. I'm not the magic guy. But. A bit of testing's taught me that you can charge one-a these bad boys with the same kinda magic as you want 'em to hold, and- That'll... Work. Some? How? [ His eyes flick over to Clint before he quickly glances back at the floor. ] Long as no one's losing a finger, I'll be happy. [ A beat goes by, but Tony doesn't even realize what he just said. ]
[Clint has questions, a few of them, primarily having to do with Tony's magic guy that is his boyfriend that is Strange, how if any of them might be able to figure out how exactly they work and why, it'd be the wizard in his wizard tower.
But. Tony is very distracting.
He's distracted and he's different and he's wrong and he's not quite...right. He's different in trying to seem not at all different. And then he makes the comment about losing a finger, and, sure, under literally any other circumstances, that would be a perfectly normal thing for an engineer to say, but under these circumstances--]
Jesus Christ, [quiet, soft, under his breath but audible.
Yeah. Tony doesn't know what he's doing here. (Un?)Fortunately, neither does Clint. Can they not know what they're doing together, maybe?]
No fingers for any collections. [Fine. He'll do it. He'll be the bad guy and mention it first.] Got it. Are you gonna stare into space the entire time, too?
Hahah... [ At the finger collection comment; the hand holding the crystals clenches into a fist at his side. And then there's something close to an accusation and some neural pathway lights up in a way it didn't used to. ] Huh? N-no, I-! [ There's a rising tone of panic in Tony's voice before he stops himself, inhales, exhales, and remembers who he is.
Tony sets the crystals down next to him on a table harder than he means to. None break, but it does make more of a sound than he expected it to. He doesn't jump, but he does come close. ] Do you want a drink? [ His gaze meets Clint's as he points at the archer before he points back at himself. ] I want a drink.
[ ...Let's all ignore the fact that it's mid-morning as he grabs a bottle of whiskey off the shelf, uncorks it, and takes a swig straight from the bottle before setting it down with a clack next to the crystals. ] Okay! [ Clap. ] I feel better.
Do you? [Feel better? Clint makes an approach, but slowly, cautiously. Until he's able to grab the bottle himself for a drink. Yeah. Christ. He'd like one at this rate.]
You're not...him anymore, right, Tony? You're the right you, in the right body?
[ He shrugs a shoulder at question number one. No, not especially, but at least he's got a bit of a buzz going now. Enough of one that he doesn't flinch away from Clint as he approaches, or lean closer to make the bottle exchange easier. Instead, Tony stays perfectly still, like Clint's a dinosaur who won't be able to see him if he does.
At the rest of the interrogation though... ] Oh, do not worry about a thing; I am me, myself, and I. [ Unfortunately so was he, the other him, in a twisted, weird sort of way. Tony inhales sharply. ] But as you might be experiencing yourself, it's a little hard to un-remember things.
[ Tony laughs; it sounds forced. ] Y'know I was a woman for a bit? I was really hot. [ There, subject change... ]
Tony grabs for the bottle again, forcing the tension out of his shoulders with a few steadying breaths and some shoulder rolls. ] Well, okay... More fun except for that brief period in the early 2000s when I was married. [ Wait for it. ] To Justin. [ Here it comes. ] Hammer.
[ He bursts out laughing a moment later. Ridiculous, and stupid, and why the fuck had she listened to Obadiah on having their companies 'show solidarity in these war torn times' will remain a mystery to him for the rest of his life. (Or would remain a mystery, if he wasn't painfully aware of the fact that when Obie said jump, he and she alike used to ask 'How high?')
As he lets out one last scoff, he feels more... Normal. Sort of. ] Honestly, and I hate to make this joke, I do. But somehow? Worse in bed than you. [ Hammer he means. Tony shrugs. ] Other you. Can't really judge you-you.
[Okay. That is better. That's Tony, sounding more Tony, and when he laughs, there's still a little force behind it but not nearly so much. Clint even joins in, because...holy shit, Justin Hammer?]
Ouch, that's awful. Tell me she dumped his ass? Tell me she was smart enough to realize she deserved better. [He plucks up one of the crystal batteries, holding it up to the light.] At least those Avengers had another woman on the team. Can't just say the girl one and everyone know who you're talking about.
[ Tony squints, tilts his head slightly, trying to think back to another self's memories. ] Yeah... Yeah, she dumped him right when she got back from Afghanistan. [ Well, after the whole Stane thing, she did. Better late than never. ] He was real broken up about it, which- Surprised to learn he swings that way. [ With a slight smile nostalgic for a life he didn't live, Tony chuckles. ] By the time we got Wanda and Vis on the team, the girl ones were threatening to overtake you guys depending on where Vision falls...
[ The crystal is a milky white, a slight twinkling glow moving within it like a lava lamp. ] Pretty, innit? [ Tony grabs a screwdriver and finishes tightening a few things on one of the adaptors he fashioned to hook the crystal up to the Widow Bites' power source. ] It's small, which means it's not gonna hold a charge for that long, but- [ He picks a bowl of salt water up off the floor and puts it on his workbench with a thunk. Then, he grabs the crystals, and drops them in the water. ] This allegedly helps? [ He gestures for Clint to hand over the crystal he's looking at. ]
[He drops the crystal in Tony's hand without risk of brushing skin. Besides, Tony never did like being handed things.]
You talk to your boyfriend about all this? I have to assume he had a hand in it, given you're not the magic guy. Even-- [He almost says William, but, they had that conversation, so...] Billy probably could help a good deal. He's got a natural aptitude for this stuff. The [spooky finger wiggle] magic stuff.
Yeah, he's been teachin' me some magic stuff in general. [ Tony says as he drops the last crystal in the purification bath. ] I'm trying to DIY a halfway point between what I already know and what I'm learning, and you know the magic people are all stuffy and all about tradition and shit, so... [ He wanted to attempt mostly doing this on his own, minus asking a few questions.
He mixes the water around with his index finger, swirling his finger clockwise 9 times. ]
Alright, so what we're gonna do, is you're gonna take these different crystals and charge 'em all with your zappy bullshit and I'll see which one likes the electric [ Spooky finger waggle. ] energy the best. Easy enough?
He's been trying to teach me the basics of keeping people out of my head. [If there is a look he gets at nothing in particular upon saying that, don't worry about it.
But this! Is more important! Because it's for Natasha, and also it's Tony reaching out in spite of himself. He reaches for a crystal, but then hesitates before he touches the water.] Is there anything else you have to do to them first, or can I start? I don't know if there's any good way for me to...regulate this, so hopefully I don't explode any of them.
[But when he's given the go ahead, he holds each in his right hand, pinched between fingers, and gives them a zap of lightning. It's hardly godly. It's just...like, taser fingers, man. But it's an experiment, so he'll zap away. His arm starts to get a little warm under the sleeves, feeling the lines of Thor's tattoo specifically down his arm. Nothing to worry about!!!]
Good. You badly need the help considering that's always how you end up in trouble. [ Tony comments with a fangy smirk and a raised eyebrow. He's not wrong. ]
Stephen's assured me none of them explode. [ He reassures before he leans closer to the bowl to watch. The submerged crystals all begin to glow faintly yellow, sparks dancing on their surfaces, as Clint charges them.
Tony stares for a moment before he glances up and then glances right back at the bowl. ] Holy shit, is this... Actually working? [ He doesn't mean to sound so, heh, shocked - he's just kind of impressed with himself that he's figured out how to do magical engineering. ]
And the real magic is that Clint's tat magic seems to actually be doing something useful here. He can see the effects. Wonders about overcharge, discharge, how much of a zap the bites are really going to be able to deliver, but it's something better than nothing, and Tony is impressed.
And fuck, he should be impressed. Magitech is nothing to sneeze at in terms of engineering prowess. At least in their universe. On their Earth.] Think you're outdoing yourself this time, old man. Pretty soon you'll be outforgeing the forgemaster and making magic swords and magic armor.
[ Tony gives him a look at the old man comment, but lets it go to grab one of the crystals just to see- ] Ow, fuck! [ And then promptly drops it back in the bath. He gives his hand a little shake for the pain before he looks at it. His palm's a red and angry, and his arm's a bit numb and tingly, but he'll live.
Hands on his hips as he looks at the bowl suspiciously, Tony's eyes flick around the room for- ] A-hah... [ He grabs a pair of tongs, instead, to extract the crystals from their bath. He lines them up on his workbench, from the faintest glow (a piece of tourmalinated quartz) to brightest (a citrine point) before he grabs his crystal-to-normal-battery adapters and pops the second faintest crystal (an amethyst) in using his tongs to manipulate it and install it in Natasha's left Bite, which he promptly puts on the bench and passes over to Clint. ] Here. [ A beat. ] Your aim's better. [ He explains. ] Hit me and I'll tell you how bad this hurts.
[It's all pretty fascinating. Makes sense that the crystals might be harder to handle, though seems like something that needs maybe a little bit worked on for later.
But at the request, he stares down at the Bite, face screwing up a little, and back up at Tony. Even if it's just a taser, that is a hell of a request to be making of him. Given the issues they aren't talking about.] I could also hit myself and tell you how bad it hurts.
I am so much more of a Justin O. Schmidt than you. [ Literally who, Tony? ] You lack a certain... Je ne sais quois. [ A beat. ] You know my descriptions of each one are gonna make it so much easier to differentiate between what's doing what.
[ Another beat, and Tony kind of sheepishly tacks on: ] Besides, I was dumb enough to bare-handed grab the thing and lived to tell the tale, so how much worse could you Bite-ing me be? [ Plus, this is no longer in the running for Top 20 Worst Things Clint Has Ever Done to Him at this point. But Tony is going to pointedly not point that out. ]
You have a heart condition, Tony. [Gosh, did someone ELSE ALSO remind him of this earlier???] I don't know that you should be getting tased at all. You know how guilty I'm gonna feel if I shock you and you bite it right here on the Avengers-sanctioned floor?
[Not that he's not gonna put on the fucking wristband thing with the fucking electroshock Bites.] How about I just punch you in the arm a couple times.
Look, if I die, I wake up tomorrow morning after a nice nap. [ A beat. Not the right tactic and he knows it. ] Mmmore importantly, we have a doctor upstairs in the creepy tower. [ Tony points at the ceiling of the blacksmith, but he's really pointing through it to where Strange's new office is, in an attempt to backpedal. ] And, I'll have you know, it takes 'bout... Half hour for a heart attack to cause permanent damage. You'd have time to save me if you didn't sit there feeling guilty.
[ Tony doesn't bother to hide the 'hah, told you so' smirk on his face as he sees Clint slip the wristband on. ] How about you quit bitchin' and start testin'?
Gonna remind you that I don't want to kill you even if it's temporary. Even if you're a fucking asshole sometimes.
[Did he ever get that window fixed? Maybe Tony should come find out--
No, shit, fine, god, okay. Quit bitching and start testing. There is literally a doctor in the house, so if something goes wrong physically or magically, he should be just a shout away. It's fine. It'll be fine.
Ow, fuck! [ Tony hisses, more out of reflex than actual pain, though a memory that isn't his plays out in his mind's eye: A shard of glass is dragged down his arm, just barely cutting him before he does it again, digging it in deeper... He clears his throat a second later. ] Mm. [ He contemplates. ] Fruity, effervescent, a bit sticky; like drinking juice from an unripe mango mixed with seltzer and rum... [ Truly Tony, what the fuck is wrong with you? ]
Think we can do better than that. [ He beckons Clint closer with his fingers while pulling the next brightest crystal over to him with his tongs. Normally, Tony would be grabbing at that wrist-mounted taser to immediately start dissembling and speed the process up, but- As his eyes brush over Clint's wrist, he decides against it, hand hovering in midair, paused on its way over. ]
Hey Tony? [Hey my GUY:] What the fuck. [that's what i'm SAYING-
But whatever helps him mentally categorize crystal zaps. He holds out his wrist and...waits...except that. Hm. Except that Tony does not seem to be interested, currently, in doing the thing.]
...You need me to pop the old one out so you can pop the new one in? [Is that?? it??]
[ A beat where Tony freezes. And then he snaps out of it, snapping his fingers and stepping closer like he's totally comfortable with this. ] Yes. Yeah, that'd be great.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
brandingproblem) wrote2025-03-24 12:12 pm
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Meet me at the smith at our fort in...
Whenever you want.
20 minutes?
Gotta grab some materials from the space I'd been using first...
[ "Grab some materials" roughly translates to "work himself up to this." ]
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[Is what he's going to say instead of anything else. It's fine. They aren't talking about anything. It's fine.
He makes it 25 minutes, for a little wiggle room. He won't be weird about anything if Tony isn't weird about anything (which means, ugh, it's going to get weird, isn't it), and he is just perfectly calm and relaxed and normal when he strides into Fort Asshole and the smithy so helpfully and conveniently built for them.]
Knock knock, I'm ready to try and pretend to be Thor.
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He gets the door open and starts putting his armful of tools and materials and stuff-he'd-been-working-on with a few deep breaths, trying to keep his mind busy.
"Oh you're back to normal so we're knocking again?" is the joke that dies on Tony's tongue. ] Great. [ He says, trying not to sound stilted. ] I'll grab the- [ There's a vague hand gesture in the direction of a pile of rocks, some glowing crystals about the size of AA batteries that he fishes out of the pile among them.
He stares down at the floor slightly behind Clint after he turns around 'batteries' in hand. ] So. This is- I don't know what I'm doing, here, exactly. You know that. I'm not the magic guy. But. A bit of testing's taught me that you can charge one-a these bad boys with the same kinda magic as you want 'em to hold, and- That'll... Work. Some? How? [ His eyes flick over to Clint before he quickly glances back at the floor. ] Long as no one's losing a finger, I'll be happy. [ A beat goes by, but Tony doesn't even realize what he just said. ]
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But. Tony is very distracting.
He's distracted and he's different and he's wrong and he's not quite...right. He's different in trying to seem not at all different. And then he makes the comment about losing a finger, and, sure, under literally any other circumstances, that would be a perfectly normal thing for an engineer to say, but under these circumstances--]
Jesus Christ, [quiet, soft, under his breath but audible.
Yeah. Tony doesn't know what he's doing here. (Un?)Fortunately, neither does Clint. Can they not know what they're doing together, maybe?]
No fingers for any collections. [Fine. He'll do it. He'll be the bad guy and mention it first.] Got it. Are you gonna stare into space the entire time, too?
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Tony sets the crystals down next to him on a table harder than he means to. None break, but it does make more of a sound than he expected it to. He doesn't jump, but he does come close. ] Do you want a drink? [ His gaze meets Clint's as he points at the archer before he points back at himself. ] I want a drink.
[ ...Let's all ignore the fact that it's mid-morning as he grabs a bottle of whiskey off the shelf, uncorks it, and takes a swig straight from the bottle before setting it down with a clack next to the crystals. ] Okay! [ Clap. ] I feel better.
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You're not...him anymore, right, Tony? You're the right you, in the right body?
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At the rest of the interrogation though... ] Oh, do not worry about a thing; I am me, myself, and I. [ Unfortunately so was he, the other him, in a twisted, weird sort of way. Tony inhales sharply. ] But as you might be experiencing yourself, it's a little hard to un-remember things.
[ Tony laughs; it sounds forced. ] Y'know I was a woman for a bit? I was really hot. [ There, subject change... ]
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[Is that how deep the fear runs? So powerful that Tony as he is right now has to fight it?]
If you told me a woman you wasn't hot, I'd know something was wrong with the universe. es. Universes. Was that one fun? God, I hope it was fun.
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Tony grabs for the bottle again, forcing the tension out of his shoulders with a few steadying breaths and some shoulder rolls. ] Well, okay... More fun except for that brief period in the early 2000s when I was married. [ Wait for it. ] To Justin. [ Here it comes. ] Hammer.
[ He bursts out laughing a moment later. Ridiculous, and stupid, and why the fuck had she listened to Obadiah on having their companies 'show solidarity in these war torn times' will remain a mystery to him for the rest of his life. (Or would remain a mystery, if he wasn't painfully aware of the fact that when Obie said jump, he and she alike used to ask 'How high?')
As he lets out one last scoff, he feels more... Normal. Sort of. ] Honestly, and I hate to make this joke, I do. But somehow? Worse in bed than you. [ Hammer he means. Tony shrugs. ] Other you. Can't really judge you-you.
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Ouch, that's awful. Tell me she dumped his ass? Tell me she was smart enough to realize she deserved better. [He plucks up one of the crystal batteries, holding it up to the light.] At least those Avengers had another woman on the team. Can't just say the girl one and everyone know who you're talking about.
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[ The crystal is a milky white, a slight twinkling glow moving within it like a lava lamp. ] Pretty, innit? [ Tony grabs a screwdriver and finishes tightening a few things on one of the adaptors he fashioned to hook the crystal up to the Widow Bites' power source. ] It's small, which means it's not gonna hold a charge for that long, but- [ He picks a bowl of salt water up off the floor and puts it on his workbench with a thunk. Then, he grabs the crystals, and drops them in the water. ] This allegedly helps? [ He gestures for Clint to hand over the crystal he's looking at. ]
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You talk to your boyfriend about all this? I have to assume he had a hand in it, given you're not the magic guy. Even-- [He almost says William, but, they had that conversation, so...] Billy probably could help a good deal. He's got a natural aptitude for this stuff. The [spooky finger wiggle] magic stuff.
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He mixes the water around with his index finger, swirling his finger clockwise 9 times. ]
Alright, so what we're gonna do, is you're gonna take these different crystals and charge 'em all with your zappy bullshit and I'll see which one likes the electric [ Spooky finger waggle. ] energy the best. Easy enough?
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But this! Is more important! Because it's for Natasha, and also it's Tony reaching out in spite of himself. He reaches for a crystal, but then hesitates before he touches the water.] Is there anything else you have to do to them first, or can I start? I don't know if there's any good way for me to...regulate this, so hopefully I don't explode any of them.
[But when he's given the go ahead, he holds each in his right hand, pinched between fingers, and gives them a zap of lightning. It's hardly godly. It's just...like, taser fingers, man. But it's an experiment, so he'll zap away. His arm starts to get a little warm under the sleeves, feeling the lines of Thor's tattoo specifically down his arm. Nothing to worry about!!!]
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Stephen's assured me none of them explode. [ He reassures before he leans closer to the bowl to watch. The submerged crystals all begin to glow faintly yellow, sparks dancing on their surfaces, as Clint charges them.
Tony stares for a moment before he glances up and then glances right back at the bowl. ] Holy shit, is this... Actually working? [ He doesn't mean to sound so, heh, shocked - he's just kind of impressed with himself that he's figured out how to do magical engineering. ]
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And the real magic is that Clint's tat magic seems to actually be doing something useful here. He can see the effects. Wonders about overcharge, discharge, how much of a zap the bites are really going to be able to deliver, but it's something better than nothing, and Tony is impressed.
And fuck, he should be impressed. Magitech is nothing to sneeze at in terms of engineering prowess. At least in their universe. On their Earth.] Think you're outdoing yourself this time, old man. Pretty soon you'll be outforgeing the forgemaster and making magic swords and magic armor.
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Hands on his hips as he looks at the bowl suspiciously, Tony's eyes flick around the room for- ] A-hah... [ He grabs a pair of tongs, instead, to extract the crystals from their bath. He lines them up on his workbench, from the faintest glow (a piece of tourmalinated quartz) to brightest (a citrine point) before he grabs his crystal-to-normal-battery adapters and pops the second faintest crystal (an amethyst) in using his tongs to manipulate it and install it in Natasha's left Bite, which he promptly puts on the bench and passes over to Clint. ] Here. [ A beat. ] Your aim's better. [ He explains. ] Hit me and I'll tell you how bad this hurts.
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But at the request, he stares down at the Bite, face screwing up a little, and back up at Tony. Even if it's just a taser, that is a hell of a request to be making of him. Given the issues they aren't talking about.] I could also hit myself and tell you how bad it hurts.
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[ Another beat, and Tony kind of sheepishly tacks on: ] Besides, I was dumb enough to bare-handed grab the thing and lived to tell the tale, so how much worse could you Bite-ing me be? [ Plus, this is no longer in the running for Top 20 Worst Things Clint Has Ever Done to Him at this point. But Tony is going to pointedly not point that out. ]
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[Not that he's not gonna put on the fucking wristband thing with the fucking electroshock Bites.] How about I just punch you in the arm a couple times.
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[ Tony doesn't bother to hide the 'hah, told you so' smirk on his face as he sees Clint slip the wristband on. ] How about you quit bitchin' and start testin'?
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[Did he ever get that window fixed? Maybe Tony should come find out--
No, shit, fine, god, okay. Quit bitching and start testing. There is literally a doctor in the house, so if something goes wrong physically or magically, he should be just a shout away. It's fine. It'll be fine.
He still aims for the arm, though. Zap!]
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Think we can do better than that. [ He beckons Clint closer with his fingers while pulling the next brightest crystal over to him with his tongs. Normally, Tony would be grabbing at that wrist-mounted taser to immediately start dissembling and speed the process up, but- As his eyes brush over Clint's wrist, he decides against it, hand hovering in midair, paused on its way over. ]
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But whatever helps him mentally categorize crystal zaps. He holds out his wrist and...waits...except that. Hm. Except that Tony does not seem to be interested, currently, in doing the thing.]
...You need me to pop the old one out so you can pop the new one in? [Is that?? it??]
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[ This is fine. ]
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