They can talk when they get home. They were about due for a serious conversation given how long it had been since their last one. Things were changing again between them. It isn't major, he feels. Just a natural progression.
"Yes, we'll take Lola." Phil will get her detailed before then just so she looks extra beautiful. "She hasn't been out in awhile."
He holds up a finger before Clint can talk. "And no, you don't get to drive her this time."
He does, in general, trust his car to Clint. But for this fancy date he wants to drive because he likes driving. It's relaxing for him, especially when it's not a high speed chase through crowded streets.
"Yeah yeah. Someday I'm gonna convince you to let me fly her, though." He can pilot a quinjet like nobody's business; surely he can fly a car without crashing. Probably.
"Did you have fun? I mean, did you like doing this? Or is it kind of more the buildup for me actually putting the whole thing on?"
"Some day." He knows Clint can fly but Lola's special. Phil has a hard time letting go of things that are special. Also, he has control issues which just about anyone could guess about him.
He takes his hand out of his pocket to brushes his hand against Clint's. "I enjoyed this. It's odd to think of it like sharing a hobby but that's what it felt like. And you are going to look excellent."
Phil knows the suits will be perfect. Clint is going to be devastatingly handsome.
"I'm gonna look good in something you shared with me deliberately in some fancy digs you helped pick out. I like that you're getting a kick out of it whether it's something sexy or just cuz you think it's nice."
He appreciates it, the touch of hand. Clint refrains from holding on the way he wants to, but it's good enough that they're touching.
"This is good, to you, and I wanna be good to you. And, hey, anytime we do anything fancy, I'll have something genuinely nice to fall back on, and not rent tuxes."
"The power is going to go to your head," he teases lightly. The trust they have means that neither one will take advantage of the other. Phil trusts that Clint will enjoy how much he reacts to Clint in a suit.
And he'll enjoy it too. Wanting Clint has only ever been stressful when he was determined to keep professional boundaries and when they started to talk about feelings. Other than that it's been very enjoyable.
Fun. Clint reminds him to have fun.
"You should go to one of Stark's fancy events in it. He'll be stunned." Phil always does enjoy messing with Tony Stark in any way he can get away with. He has to get a little of his own back for how much Stark bothers him.
"Oh, you know I'm gonna go to one of his swankier shindigs and start a whole bunch of rumors. I can't wait to see the tabloids suspect that I'm his new boytoy." And hey, no real PR work to do, because nobody gives a shit about tabloids. They're funny, honestly. Clint loves to poke fun of the more unflattering Avengers photos, and Tony has a board keeping track of which one thinks who's sleeping with who.
He rubs his neck a moment. "Do we have to talk?" Just to put the idea out there. "About where we are."
"They'll be very surprised you've stolen him from Captain Rogers." Phil keeps on top of all the Avengers news. Sometimes hidden among the rumors are things people shouldn't know and the only way for them to know was if they had direct access.
He and Pepper have worked closely to find the people inside Stark Industries willing to sell Avengers secrets to make a quick buck. He is very protective of his agents.
"We should," he replies with another brush of his hand against Clint's. "If you're serious about us taking a vacation together. That's... more than what we've been."
Lovers and friends is probably the best definition right now. Something like an extended vacation... that's different. That's partners. That's something that can't easily be brushed off with a cover story.
"But we can talk about it when we're home. We don't have to have it right now." Walking to go get dinner is a very public forum.
"We should if you're serious about taking me out to a fancy dinner," Clint points out. A romantic dinner. "And straying unusually close to flirty in public." Well. Inside of a little shop in front of a friend of sorts. Which is still more public than they have been, traditionally. Phil has always been very sternly serious about separating work and play, and to not let his feelings be known or to interfere with the work. There's no flirting or commentary or undue touching when they're at work. And in public they are friends and coworkers.
It does mean Clint has to think of if he really is serious about a vacation. Together. Somewhere alone and secluded and romantic. It's entirely possible with some fun intervention from Phil that they could stagger certain dates and forge flights and rentals and all else so that it doesn't look like they're going somewhere together. But it would still be suspect. And that's also just...a step even further from a dinner date.
There's that word again. Date.
Alter the course, then. "You just want to see me strip down in front of a horny little old lady and then watch me stay perfectly still while she pins a bunch of fabric to me and makes her little tutting noises while she makes alterations. What a devious trap. No weapons and nowhere to go."
Leah has no connection to that other side of his life outside of the suits she tailors for him. He felt comfortable letting her see that side of their relationship though it was unexpected even for himself.
"I do what to see you at the tender mercies of my tailor, yes. And I never tire of seeing you strip down." Phil can play along with the joke. It's a comfortable routine to fall back in. Clint jokes. Phil responds like he's bored. That's the dynamic they've had for a long time.
It's only flirtatious when they're alone. Or on a crowded New York street where no one cares that an Avenger and a secret agent are flirting.
Or dating.
"I am serious about the dinner." More importantly he's serious about the romancing. Phil knows himself well and he knows he's courting Clint with this. He's clearly ready to admit this is a relationship and that he wants it. Wants something more defined with Clint. "And you, Clint."
It's very tender, the admission. And it's difficult to know how to react to it. Is he surprised? Well, if he's honest, not really. He has at times thought of Phil as his boyfriend, internally, on occasion, sometimes. It sounds less flowery and dramatic than lover, more specific than partner. But he doesn't say the word. Saying it is different.
Making it in any way official is also different. It isn't like it's new, the idea that there are feelings involved. It's been made clear for a while now that this is definitely something more than just physical. But had remained otherwise undefined.
So why is the idea so frightening? Oh. Right. Because when's the last time he had a serious, lasting relationship? All of never.
"Oh hey, I love this sandwich place, let's get here."
His way of tabling the waiting conversation for, yes, a more private time.
There are only two instances wherein Clint's stopped, being recognized and asked for a photo or an autograph before awkwardly scurrying along before some kind of crowd forms. Going to a Stark party and being photographed with Nat deep in some Starbucks and noticed from a distance for whatever little articles tabloid or legit, that's a different kind of fame than having it be seen and noticed and put in his face. He's still acclimating to it. But the nice thing about being one of the less marketable Avengers who is, in action, seen from a distance more often than boots on the ground, means it's only a few times when he's out. Not hounded like Tony or with a trailing gaggle of fans like Thor.
He's pretty sure if people even notice Coulson, he's written off as a bodyguard, which is deeply entertaining. So long as they don't talk shop about anything serious on the way, Clint is content enough chatting amicably, munching on a bag of chips, until they're inside and in safety. And privacy.
Phil smiles to himself as Clint flees the conversation before it can go further. That's fine with him. He doesn't want to have this conversation on a public New York street either.
It's the way he does it that Phil finds amusing. A simple statement and gone. No excuse. No explanation. Just done. Not forever, but for now. It's straight to the point and direct as Clint often is.
So, the conversation turns casual. Some talk of work in the vaguest sense and a bit about the shows Phil's currently watching that are just as awful as last season but he keeps watching anyway. It's the sort of conversation they'd have anywhere.
Home feels a bit more important now. Phil insists on getting plates out to eat their sandwiches instead of from the paper they're wrapped in. They're civilized people.
Once they sit down to eat Phil figures they can ease back into the conversation. Unless Clint brings it up himself.
"I am telling you," says the less civilized person, mouth half-full as it is, "they already come wrapped in perfectly good plates so you don't have to waste dirtying up an actual plate." That's just common sense! But, as ever, he defers to Phil.
Knowing that he can and will act like a bachelor caveman when he's alone in his own place. So there.
He should probably bring up the finely dressed elephant in the room. Is he going to? No. At least, not yet. Because he's not super sure how to without going 'so we should talk' and then not knowing what to say after that. God. Phil's better with words.
"I've bent to you and Natasha's habit of eating Chinese straight from the carton. I need to draw the line somewhere." He drapes his jacket on the back of a chair and then rolls up his sleeves to the elbow so he won't get oil and vinegar stains. He also takes off his tie for the same reason.
The plates get set out and Phil is very deliberate about putting Clint's sandwich on his and then presenting it to him.
When he's seated with his own he allows for a few bites before starting the conversation that Clint's clearly thinking about but not saying. "So, do you want to label this a relationship or no?"
Fine, neat and tidy it is. If he weren't eating, he'd probably stick his tongue out.
And, as usual, as planned really, Phil is the one to not only get back to the topic but do so directly, very bluntly. It's in fact so blunt that Clint nearly chokes.
"This is kind of already a relationship," he points out. Which isn't wrong, but given they both know what they're talking about, it's needlessly pedantic. "We're sleeping together and we give a shit. Presumably, that's a relationship."
"Do you want people to know it's a relationship?" Phil continues forward like Clint isn't being pedantic and arguing the semantics of what they are. "Because it takes one cellphone camera to catch a picture of Hawkeye out with the bodyguard to start a media cascade."
Their romantic dinner could be seen. There would be no way to pass it off as a casual dinner between coworkers. Not with everything Phil's thinking about planning.
"Because that's what comes next for us. We go public, in a sense." Phil suspects it will be a surprise to many people. Not everyone but a few. They are very close.
"I'm all for going out and having dinner, Phil. We don't have to make an announcement or send out wedding invites."
But if they become lax about when and where they show themselves, then yeah. That'll cause ripples. To say the least.
He tears at the bread a little anxiously. "It won't be a good look for you. There are bound to be repercussions. Me, I don't give a shit; what is anyone gonna do, fire an Avenger? But you're my handler. Much less public-facing. Means anything could happen. And what's the optics on you sleeping with one of your agents? Your favorite, even."
The dinner itself could be the announcement if the right fan in the right place at the right time with a cellphone camera notices them. Phil doesn't point that out again. Clint's clearly nervous about this. Arguing with him defeats the purpose.
"I doubt Fury's going to fire me over sleeping with you," Phil says reasonably. "He trusts me and there aren't many people who can say that. I might be sanctioned and have to take a leave for a time."
But leave SHIELD? Phil doubts that will happen. His reputation will take a hit, yes, because sleeping with an agent is unprofessional. There will be rumors around Clint too. It won't be clean.
"If he does fire me, I will probably agree to work for Stark even though the thought gives me heartburn," he says with a heavy sigh. "He's been trying to steal me for some time. Since California."
Fury is reasonable, sometimes. Lenient with those he likes, which isn't always great, but who is Clint to complain when Fury was someone who backed him, vouched for him, after Loki?
He can't see Phil working for Tony. Just...no. He'll still be SHIELD, yeah. Things will just probably be...a little different. "They'll reassign you. Or me. And you know how hard it was to get a handle on me the first time around."
He's much calmer these days. But it won't be the easiest transition.
"You will still be an Avenger and unless they want every Avenger up in arms they're going to keep me as a liaison between SHIELD and the Avengers." Again, Phil's sticking to the reasonable response. He knows SHIELD. It's been his life since he left the Rangers.
He reaches across the table and squeezes Clint's wrist. "There might be an official mark in my file. Maybe they threaten bumping my security clearance down. And maybe they force me to take unpaid leave for awhile. But they're not going to let me go."
Phil's confident and comfortable with that. He is ready to face the consequences of this relationship whatever they may be. As long as they don't cost him Clint. He wants to keep Clint fiercely.
He looks up at Phil, really looks, when his handler-partner reaches for him. Even if they couldn't still work together, somehow, Clint knows he'll still be able to fall back here, get the help and encouragement and debriefing, in a sense, that he needs. Phil's spent a long time getting to learn and understand what Clint needs. That's irreplaceable.
"And a next step, being public, that's what you want? You're good with everyone knowing?" It's a little terrifying to consider, actually. So much of his life now has been clandestine, and this most of all. He tries to mitigate that with a smirk and a joke. "You just wanna hold my hand everywhere we go so bad, you softie."
"Like you said I'm not saying we make a huge announcement," Phil says with a small smile. "But I would like to hold your hand in public. And flirt with you. And perhaps even do something entirely radical and kiss you."
He doubts that they'll be in any major way different from how they've always been. They won't fawn over each other or be overly physically affectionate. It's not in their nature just like pet names aren't in their nature.
"Do you think it'll change something between us?" he asks, curious if that's really what worried Clint.
"Gonna break a lot of hearts, taking Hawkeye off the market like that." Not that the tabloids will care, anyway. He'll be secretly dating the whole rest of the team within a month anyway.
"Won't it? Change something?" He gives a strained smile. "What we are is great. It works for us really well. Being more open and going to dinners and all, that does something different. Opens us up to being something a little more defined. Does that bother you? The lack of definition we've got?"
"What I would like is to stop wondering if I've crossed some unspoken line because I want to touch you while we're in public." Phil is thinking back to the moment in the tailor's. That hesitation, the questioning, Phil would really like that to stop.
"Or question that I want to treat you to a nice dinner out. We've been together, defined or not, for long enough that even if we haven't said it we're more than just casual." There are deep feelings here. Phil would have so many regrets if this relationship ended.
"If you don't want to label this, that's fine but other people will whether we like it or not. Especially if we're going on dates."
"I thought the line was pretty well spoken, until today." Clint frowns. He can read Phil pretty damn well by now, but even with his expertise, he misses the small details, the hidden ones. "Did I hurt you?"
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"Yes, we'll take Lola." Phil will get her detailed before then just so she looks extra beautiful. "She hasn't been out in awhile."
He holds up a finger before Clint can talk. "And no, you don't get to drive her this time."
He does, in general, trust his car to Clint. But for this fancy date he wants to drive because he likes driving. It's relaxing for him, especially when it's not a high speed chase through crowded streets.
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"Did you have fun? I mean, did you like doing this? Or is it kind of more the buildup for me actually putting the whole thing on?"
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He takes his hand out of his pocket to brushes his hand against Clint's. "I enjoyed this. It's odd to think of it like sharing a hobby but that's what it felt like. And you are going to look excellent."
Phil knows the suits will be perfect. Clint is going to be devastatingly handsome.
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He appreciates it, the touch of hand. Clint refrains from holding on the way he wants to, but it's good enough that they're touching.
"This is good, to you, and I wanna be good to you. And, hey, anytime we do anything fancy, I'll have something genuinely nice to fall back on, and not rent tuxes."
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And he'll enjoy it too. Wanting Clint has only ever been stressful when he was determined to keep professional boundaries and when they started to talk about feelings. Other than that it's been very enjoyable.
Fun. Clint reminds him to have fun.
"You should go to one of Stark's fancy events in it. He'll be stunned." Phil always does enjoy messing with Tony Stark in any way he can get away with. He has to get a little of his own back for how much Stark bothers him.
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He rubs his neck a moment. "Do we have to talk?" Just to put the idea out there. "About where we are."
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He and Pepper have worked closely to find the people inside Stark Industries willing to sell Avengers secrets to make a quick buck. He is very protective of his agents.
"We should," he replies with another brush of his hand against Clint's. "If you're serious about us taking a vacation together. That's... more than what we've been."
Lovers and friends is probably the best definition right now. Something like an extended vacation... that's different. That's partners. That's something that can't easily be brushed off with a cover story.
"But we can talk about it when we're home. We don't have to have it right now." Walking to go get dinner is a very public forum.
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It does mean Clint has to think of if he really is serious about a vacation. Together. Somewhere alone and secluded and romantic. It's entirely possible with some fun intervention from Phil that they could stagger certain dates and forge flights and rentals and all else so that it doesn't look like they're going somewhere together. But it would still be suspect. And that's also just...a step even further from a dinner date.
There's that word again. Date.
Alter the course, then. "You just want to see me strip down in front of a horny little old lady and then watch me stay perfectly still while she pins a bunch of fabric to me and makes her little tutting noises while she makes alterations. What a devious trap. No weapons and nowhere to go."
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"I do what to see you at the tender mercies of my tailor, yes. And I never tire of seeing you strip down." Phil can play along with the joke. It's a comfortable routine to fall back in. Clint jokes. Phil responds like he's bored. That's the dynamic they've had for a long time.
It's only flirtatious when they're alone. Or on a crowded New York street where no one cares that an Avenger and a secret agent are flirting.
Or dating.
"I am serious about the dinner." More importantly he's serious about the romancing. Phil knows himself well and he knows he's courting Clint with this. He's clearly ready to admit this is a relationship and that he wants it. Wants something more defined with Clint. "And you, Clint."
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Making it in any way official is also different. It isn't like it's new, the idea that there are feelings involved. It's been made clear for a while now that this is definitely something more than just physical. But had remained otherwise undefined.
So why is the idea so frightening? Oh. Right. Because when's the last time he had a serious, lasting relationship? All of never.
"Oh hey, I love this sandwich place, let's get here."
His way of tabling the waiting conversation for, yes, a more private time.
There are only two instances wherein Clint's stopped, being recognized and asked for a photo or an autograph before awkwardly scurrying along before some kind of crowd forms. Going to a Stark party and being photographed with Nat deep in some Starbucks and noticed from a distance for whatever little articles tabloid or legit, that's a different kind of fame than having it be seen and noticed and put in his face. He's still acclimating to it. But the nice thing about being one of the less marketable Avengers who is, in action, seen from a distance more often than boots on the ground, means it's only a few times when he's out. Not hounded like Tony or with a trailing gaggle of fans like Thor.
He's pretty sure if people even notice Coulson, he's written off as a bodyguard, which is deeply entertaining. So long as they don't talk shop about anything serious on the way, Clint is content enough chatting amicably, munching on a bag of chips, until they're inside and in safety. And privacy.
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It's the way he does it that Phil finds amusing. A simple statement and gone. No excuse. No explanation. Just done. Not forever, but for now. It's straight to the point and direct as Clint often is.
So, the conversation turns casual. Some talk of work in the vaguest sense and a bit about the shows Phil's currently watching that are just as awful as last season but he keeps watching anyway. It's the sort of conversation they'd have anywhere.
Home feels a bit more important now. Phil insists on getting plates out to eat their sandwiches instead of from the paper they're wrapped in. They're civilized people.
Once they sit down to eat Phil figures they can ease back into the conversation. Unless Clint brings it up himself.
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Knowing that he can and will act like a bachelor caveman when he's alone in his own place. So there.
He should probably bring up the finely dressed elephant in the room. Is he going to? No. At least, not yet. Because he's not super sure how to without going 'so we should talk' and then not knowing what to say after that. God. Phil's better with words.
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The plates get set out and Phil is very deliberate about putting Clint's sandwich on his and then presenting it to him.
When he's seated with his own he allows for a few bites before starting the conversation that Clint's clearly thinking about but not saying. "So, do you want to label this a relationship or no?"
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And, as usual, as planned really, Phil is the one to not only get back to the topic but do so directly, very bluntly. It's in fact so blunt that Clint nearly chokes.
"This is kind of already a relationship," he points out. Which isn't wrong, but given they both know what they're talking about, it's needlessly pedantic. "We're sleeping together and we give a shit. Presumably, that's a relationship."
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Their romantic dinner could be seen. There would be no way to pass it off as a casual dinner between coworkers. Not with everything Phil's thinking about planning.
"Because that's what comes next for us. We go public, in a sense." Phil suspects it will be a surprise to many people. Not everyone but a few. They are very close.
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But if they become lax about when and where they show themselves, then yeah. That'll cause ripples. To say the least.
He tears at the bread a little anxiously. "It won't be a good look for you. There are bound to be repercussions. Me, I don't give a shit; what is anyone gonna do, fire an Avenger? But you're my handler. Much less public-facing. Means anything could happen. And what's the optics on you sleeping with one of your agents? Your favorite, even."
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"I doubt Fury's going to fire me over sleeping with you," Phil says reasonably. "He trusts me and there aren't many people who can say that. I might be sanctioned and have to take a leave for a time."
But leave SHIELD? Phil doubts that will happen. His reputation will take a hit, yes, because sleeping with an agent is unprofessional. There will be rumors around Clint too. It won't be clean.
"If he does fire me, I will probably agree to work for Stark even though the thought gives me heartburn," he says with a heavy sigh. "He's been trying to steal me for some time. Since California."
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He can't see Phil working for Tony. Just...no. He'll still be SHIELD, yeah. Things will just probably be...a little different. "They'll reassign you. Or me. And you know how hard it was to get a handle on me the first time around."
He's much calmer these days. But it won't be the easiest transition.
"I'm just worried. About you."
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He reaches across the table and squeezes Clint's wrist. "There might be an official mark in my file. Maybe they threaten bumping my security clearance down. And maybe they force me to take unpaid leave for awhile. But they're not going to let me go."
Phil's confident and comfortable with that. He is ready to face the consequences of this relationship whatever they may be. As long as they don't cost him Clint. He wants to keep Clint fiercely.
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"And a next step, being public, that's what you want? You're good with everyone knowing?" It's a little terrifying to consider, actually. So much of his life now has been clandestine, and this most of all. He tries to mitigate that with a smirk and a joke. "You just wanna hold my hand everywhere we go so bad, you softie."
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He doubts that they'll be in any major way different from how they've always been. They won't fawn over each other or be overly physically affectionate. It's not in their nature just like pet names aren't in their nature.
"Do you think it'll change something between us?" he asks, curious if that's really what worried Clint.
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"Won't it? Change something?" He gives a strained smile. "What we are is great. It works for us really well. Being more open and going to dinners and all, that does something different. Opens us up to being something a little more defined. Does that bother you? The lack of definition we've got?"
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"Or question that I want to treat you to a nice dinner out. We've been together, defined or not, for long enough that even if we haven't said it we're more than just casual." There are deep feelings here. Phil would have so many regrets if this relationship ended.
"If you don't want to label this, that's fine but other people will whether we like it or not. Especially if we're going on dates."
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"No, you didn't. I thought I had made you uncomfortable, actually." He smiles a little bit. "You make very silly sometimes. In a good way."
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I've been waiting all day for work to end so I can write this tag.
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/just casually messes with canon nbd
hey welcome to this au: messin' with canon
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